Lenten Lesson #1 - Becoming
Like George Washington writing his Rules for Civility, I've tried to remake myself.
When I was a teen I wanted to have friends. I was quiet and book-ish and very niave. I had little social skills and was the kid who got picked on at school for it. So, I remade myself into a party-girl. Not the drinking kind, but the TP your friends and go back the next morning to help clean up kind. The hang out with the geeky kids and have fun doing it kind of party girl.
When I was single I wanted to find and become the wife and mother that I thought I should be, not what I'd seen -- so my ears would perk up and I'd pay close attention when I'd see a happy family to see what they had that I needed to get. I always wished I could be a mouse in someone's pocket so I could view the inner workings of a healthy family. Now I'm living the life I only dreamed of.
When I had my first child the work of housework and figuring out how to organize and run a house was sooo overwhelming. I was in a foreign country and didn't speak the language. For the last decade I've immersed myself in how to accomplish this job I'd be doing for the next several decades. I'm not a pro, but I've developed enough checklists and survival strategies that although my house isn't always clean, it's usually not more than an hour away from being presentable. I can lay my hands on my schoolwork and systems are in place that keep me from drowning in work.
Some people mistakenly even think of me as a "Do-er, Organizer, Planner." They're mistaken, it's just this hat I've put on that makes me look like it -- really, I'm just a party-girl at heart. Or maybe I'm naturally the insecure kid at school. One of the cool things about transormation is that you don't really loose the parts of yourself from before -- you're more than you were, not just changed, but transformed.
It's time, again. It's time to re-discover and appreciate living in the moment. I've put on the hat of Martha and learned some of her skills, but I need to find my Mary-ness. I used to be great at blowing dandalions. I looked forward to having a life like I have, but I'm not allowing myself to live in the joyful moments.
In reading Carol Bainer's book,
If I'm Diapering a Watermelon, Then Where'd I Leave the Baby? I found some surprising answers. This humor look at motherhood doesn't sound like a Lenten Journey book -- but it was. I love her concept of doing what you can to make up for your weaknesses, but appreciating the person God made you ... limits and everything. It was a beautiful reminder to not loose myself in the remaking.I also love the idea of becoming. Yes, I have many weaknesses. Yes, I haven't arrived. Yes, I probably never will arrive until I'm in heaven with Jesus. However, when I'm becoming something more than I was before, I'm on my way there! It's exhilerating to view my weaknesses and sins in light becoming.
Links - Lenten Lessons #2 / Lenten Lessons #2 1/2 / Lenten Lessons #3 / Lenten Lessons #4
Interesting Jenn! I'd like to hear more about your personal story. We need to get together and reconnect. You should also do a series of posts about your personal story. I need to get more Mary-ness in my life too.
ReplyDelete