Lenten Lessons 2010

During my Lenten journey, I learned, or re-learned a few things

Lenten Lesson #1 - Becoming

Like George Washington writing his Rules for Civility, I've tried to remake myself.

When I was a teen I wanted to have friends. I was quiet and book-ish and very niave. I had little social skills and was the kid who got picked on at school for it. So, I remade myself into a party-girl. Not the drinking kind, but the TP your friends and go back the next morning to help clean up kind. The hang out with the geeky kids and have fun doing it kind of party girl.

When I was single I wanted to find and become the wife and mother that I thought I should be, not what I'd seen -- so my ears would perk up and I'd pay close attention when I'd see a happy family to see what they had that I needed to get. I always wished I could be a mouse in someone's pocket so I could view the inner workings of a healthy family. Now I'm living the life I only dreamed of.

When I had my first child the work of housework and figuring out how to organize and run a house was sooo overwhelming. I was in a foreign country and didn't speak the language. For the last decade I've immersed myself in how to accomplish this job I'd be doing for the next several decades. I'm not a pro, but I've developed enough checklists and survival strategies that although my house isn't always clean, it's usually not more than an hour away from being presentable. I can lay my hands on my schoolwork and systems are in place that keep me from drowning in work.

Some people mistakenly even think of me as a "Do-er, Organizer, Planner." They're mistaken, it's just this hat I've put on that makes me look like it -- really, I'm just a party-girl at heart. Or maybe I'm naturally the insecure kid at school. One of the cool things about transormation is that you don't really loose the parts of yourself from before -- you're more than you were, not just changed, but transformed.

It's time, again. It's time to re-discover and appreciate living in the moment. I've put on the hat of Martha and learned some of her skills, but I need to find my Mary-ness. I used to be great at blowing dandalions. I looked forward to having a life like I have, but I'm not allowing myself to live in the joyful moments.

In reading Carol Bainer's book, If I'm Diapering a Watermelon, Then Where'd I Leave the Baby? I found some surprising answers. This humor look at motherhood doesn't sound like a Lenten Journey book -- but it was. I love her concept of doing what you can to make up for your weaknesses, but appreciating the person God made you ... limits and everything. It was a beautiful reminder to not loose myself in the remaking.

I also love the idea of becoming. Yes, I have many weaknesses. Yes, I haven't arrived. Yes, I probably never will arrive until I'm in heaven with Jesus. However, when I'm becoming something more than I was before, I'm on my way there! It's exhilerating to view my weaknesses and sins in light becoming.

Links - Lenten Lessons #2 / Lenten Lessons #2 1/2 / Lenten Lessons #3 / Lenten Lessons #4

Happy Easter!!

SERIOUS partying going on here!
My friend Amy was recieved into the Church last night -- BEAUTIFUL Mass!!
I can BLOG!
I can Facebook!
I can ignore my kids -(just kidding)
I ate candy this morning...not feeling so well just now.
I've got so much to share...here's one of my favorites!

Lenten Decisions

I LOVE Lent. It is such a beautiful season of renewal -- the process of being made new again. It is like a death, but more like a birth. A death of our sinful habits and the birth of virtue in our lives. But birth, even without death, is hard...painful...angonizing...beautiful!

There are parts of me, I'd like to find again.

• I've become a "great planner" - out of necessisty. I miss being able to live in the moment like a child. Maybe I can find some of that again.
• I've become very proficient in doing (blogs, presentations, spreadsheets, researching), but I've lost an ability to listen. The noise my children make are like an untuned rock band to my ears. I'd like to be able to listen to them without wishing I was doing something else.

I have pressing prayer requests I'd like to present before God with all solemnness and a pure heart

• Divine revelation for Dave and an indwelling of the Holy Spirit as he guides our family.
• The pain my cousin has been in.
• Increased virtue for myself and my children
• Some of my family and friends reversion and conversion to Christ in His fullness.

Dave has become an inspiration to me. The sacrifices he's making this lent are extreemely difficult for him. In honoring his sacrifice and participating in his pain with him, I have some habits (are they sins? probably.) that I've been holding back from God.

Some of the sacrifices I'm offering to Christ this Lent are small. Some are extreemely difficult. The fact that it's so painful to give them up shows me how much I need Lent. Thank you, Father for Lent. Thank you, Father, for Easter.

This process of allowing my heart to look forward to Christ's Resurrection at Easter (and my own) is good for me. It's a gift God has given to me.

***Lenten Sacrifices ***

1. I'm giving up blogging for Lent -- no writing, no pictures. There are some of you that this is the only way we keep up with each other and I do feel a little guilty for denying you my children, my time. But Easter and resurrection is coming!
2. I'm giving up blogs for Lent. Goodbye Elizabeth Foss. Goodbye friends. I'm aching for the loss of you, already.
3. I'm giving up message boards for Lent. ohhh...this will be difficult.
4. I'm giving up facebook for Lent. One less thing to complain about, one less thing to join, one more loss of connection to other people while I'm hoping to connect with my creator.
5. I'm giving up sweets for Lent (I can have pancakes, but no syrup - I can have bagels, but no muffins.)
6. I'm giving up in between meal snacks for Lent

those sacrifices are the hardest ones

***Lenten Acts of Charity***

1. I will exercise (oh *blech* I think this one belongs up in the hard category) at least once a day. I'd love to commit to 30 minutes, but just committing is big enough -- I don't want to set myself up to fail or quit. Not everyone would consider this charity for others, but preserving my physical body will enable me to care for my family -- I'm not doing this for ME.
2. I will still myself to listen to my children the way I still myself to listen to God. (uh...that one's a SUPER hard one - a doozy.)
3. I will check my e-mail only once a day, at the end of the day when the kids are in bed to be more present in the moment to my family. (man, these are all tough.)
4. I will invite people over at least once a week. As I close myself to easier, quicker forms of communication, I'll open myself to more intimate communication so God can work through me for others and I can be nurtured from Him by others.
5. Fix-It Fridays - Last year, as a family, we gave up meat for all Fridays to try and remember what Christ sacrificed for us. So giving up meat on the Fridays of Lent is no big deal. I think I'll try and do something in addition - find something that's been neglected and make it right : clean a room or closet that's been needing it / visit a nursing home or relative that we haven't done lately, etc.

*** Lenten Prayer****

1. Stations of the cross each Friday either at home or church. I'm really going to accomplish this one this year. Really (with God's help.)
2. Believe you me, the above stuff will keep me in enough struggle, I'll already be in constant prayer.

***Lenten Almsgiving***

1. As a family, we've already decided that we aren't going to go out to eat for all of Lent. Again, this may not sound like a big deal to another family, but it's one of our sources for entertainment to do as a family and it's something we'll all miss.

I'll see you on the other side of Easter and we'll have an Easter blog and facebook party! In the meantime I'll be waiting for Resurrection!

As Lent Begins...

We've all decided what we're going to sacrifice - each child came up with their own. And what family and personal prayer we're going to add into our days plus Lenten Adventure...

I'm a little sad. I love Lent. But the schedule of prayer and fasting will preclude me from doing any crafty, cool activities for Lent that we've done to describe it to the little kids in the past. They mostly understand and don't need the crafty activities. Then, I know, that just doing life and adding these times of prayer and sacrifice will take God's grace to get me through. I know--that's the point--relying on God alone. But I also know how much of a struggle it is to do and how much I fail. Today is busy with activities and checking each other's foreheads to see whose ashes have wiped off -- but I'm very reflective, considering the burden that sacrifice brings...and hoping for the strenth of God to carry me.

Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday

I think we'll ditch formal school for the rest of this Holy Week.
Holy Thursday
This morning we'll clean the house so we can move on to more important things.
I've been having the kids make clothes pin apostles and we'll finish those (God willing). (another pic)
After lunch I'll have the kids make an Easter Triptych. I think we'll try folding and sealing them with glue.
We'll also work on making our own Stations of the Cross. All my efforts at crafts this Lent have been in vain. Babies really get in the way of spending time on such things. We'll see how much we can do today.
I may go to Holy Thursday Mass, either by myself or with kids who want to go. Dave will stay home with the baby and non-participating kids.

Good Friday
Dave is home that day. In the morning we'll finish up the Stations of the Cross (or start them as the case may be). I like the idea of blowing out candles with each station so the room is dark by the time you get to Jesus' death. I think the boys in particular will like doing it that way.
Dave will take various children to Good Friday service. I'll stay home with the baby and maybe some kids. I'm hoping to pray this Stations of the Cross sometime this Triduum. It sounds silly, even to my own ears, that I have doubts about even getting such a fundamental prayer accomplished, but recent history has let me know that my plans barely factor in to how our hours will be spent. I love the idea of silence during the hours of 12-3 on Good Friday, but I can't even get the kids to keep things down to a low roar while the baby is obviously asleep -- I'm not sure how I'd get silence, or even whispers accomplished.

I may have the boys use the apostle dolls we finished above to act out the crucifixion.

Holy Saturday
If we have time and Dave doesn't have another agenda, I'd like to make a paper mache tomb from a tissue box. Then we'll prepare our clothes and ourselves for the coming CELEBRATION!

Stations of the Cross Booklets

Stations of the Cross Booklets for Kids

• I really liked the pictures in this free online coloring book.
• I click the "Print" button in the PDF file.
• Then the "Properties" button within the print box.
• Then the "Finishing" tab.
• Half-way down the page on the left-hand side, I choose the "Pages per sheet" pull-down menu and select "4".
• Then I hit "OK"
• I chose to only print pages 1-16 since 17 is blank and it prints out pages we can cut, color & staple for a Stations of the Cross booklet the kids can take to Stations with them.

I'll follow the advice from the Remain in Me book I just got from CHC. It suggests having the kids put their own meditations on the page opposite the picture they colored for each station. I love the sisters that run those schools: Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist. The kids call them "Mama's Nuns", because I pray for them and love them so much. They host a married women's Catholic retreat in Advent that is sooo wonderful!!

The RHYTHM of our school year

We usually start school Aug 1st (or the Monday of that).

• My allergies and one of my kid's allergies start right about then, so we prefer to be in air conditioning then, anyway.
• The kids have had a full summer and are getting bored with the park, etc. and are in need of structure (and behave better with a school schedule than without one).
• Indiana is HOT in August.

We go full speek ahead all August, September, October & November.

• A new school year is relatively exciting and so many of us are eager to begin a fresh new year.
• We get into a much better groove in Autumn than we do in winter and we get sooo much school done, that I'm pleased to have our autumn session last 4 months rather than 3.

We take about 6-8 weeks off school for Advent & Christmas and don't start back until after Epiphany.

• The stress (mine) of trying to have a wonderful Christmas with crafts to celebrate the liturgical season, helping the kids make presents & cards, keeping the house clean while we redecorate (which is what it feels like we do every Christmas) baking, watching our budget.... it would overwhelm me if I tried to do all that with the full-time job of teaching.
• I don't want to rush Advent & Christmas, I want to treasure and savor them as special family times. If I'm a maniac...not going to be so special around here. I know my limitations -- and this is one of them.
• I also want the kids to feel the rhythm of living the liturgical year and taking time off our regular books really feels special to all of us after working as hard as we did all autumn long.
• Many times taking that time off allows us to do more intimate learning than we normally do with our classical curriculum - a unit study, more in depth saint studies, memorizing all the verses to treasured hymns, more read alouds... Summer has too many pool party & park invitations to get more than a subject or two (if that) accomplished, so this is our chance to try on a completely different learning lifestyle than we normally feel comfortable with.
• I don't think I'd feel comfortable taking that time off if we didn't have almost 1/2 a year under our belt by that time.

We school from Epiphany (around January 6th) until around the end of April.

• Our school work never reaches the finely-tuned schedule & as effortless teamwork that happened in the fall. We try and have fun, but we're often bored with school, bored with housework, bored with lighting fires and baking cookies, sometimes bored with each other. It's hard work and we just have to do it. Many times we're stuck in the house due to weather or illness of one or more children for one or more weeks. Our hope is all pinned on spring during those dark, often sick, sometimes dreary days of winter.
• As the hard work of Lent becomes Easter and we celebrate new life, we work hard to finish up for the year while spring touches the air (and quickens our hearts).
• As we get subjects completed for the year (often a child, then two, then more will complete their Grammar program, then spelling, possibly math) I fill them in with alternate curriculum, but don't stress it at all. The kids have done of full year of that subject and it's really just to keep them busy while I focus on completing things with their siblings or have them spend more time in an uncompleted subject.
• Completing subjects makes for each week of spring having a lighter and lighter work load and all of us getting outside earlier in the day.
• I get REALLY antsy about April and can hardly stand to be in the house when my garden is calling to me. So, we really like getting done earlier - which ties into why we start earlier...

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

It's so comforting in an odd reflective way. I can only expect so much of myself, because compared to His glory, I'm only ashes. Yet, it's these ashes that He has done so much for and is willing to continue to shower his love upon.

Wearing them around town is stating my brokenness - in a healthy, whole way.

Today, we've been preparing our minds for Lent. We've been preparing our bodies (with abstinance and fast) for Lent. We've been preparing our home (with purple) for Lent. We've been preparing our spirits (with reflections on our own sinfulness and what we need to do to be in unity with Christ) again.

Yes, we've been doing a lot of preparing our spirits. The children each asked if they could make a prayer book for their lenten prayer time. Yes, my loves, you can approach the King of kings with quiet and reverence.

And preparing our home. We'll redo the children's alter and allow them to make it their own. We have a set of melaware purple plates & bowls we use for every meal time during Lent (it was really cheap end of summer @ Meijer). I often hang a poster that has a large crown of thorns drawn on it and each child can make a flower out of their color of napkin for each act of love (you know those cheap ones with 4 colors in a pkg of 500 for $2.50) and tape it on the crown of thorns giving Jesus a crown of flowers by the end of Lent. We cover many of our statues with purple cloth (my husband hates that part - thinks it looks dumb). It's a painful exercise because seeing the emptiness where our beloved Mother should be is jarring for the children and me. It really reminds us on a moment-to-moment basis that this is a special time to strive for reconciliation.

Schoolwork will continue...with the hardship of trying to peacefilled and loving in our interactions with eachother - hard in the middle of daily stress, but oh, so important. It bears beautiful fruit in our lives.

Knowing that when Daddy comes home, we'll go to Mass to receive the outward sign of ashes to show the world what we've been preparing our spirits for. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust...it really is a comforting time of knowing where we're headed (tword Christ in Easter, but through his pain and suffering) and knowing He'll be there to help us every step and fall we make.

It happens without noticing

It happens every year. In January or February, I want to start planning for next year's school and my garden and my summer. But I feel so burdened by the stuff around me holding me down. I feel inefficient and ineffective. I start reorganizing, cleaning and reprioritizing. It's a labor of love and it feels so freeing. For several years I looked at this occurance as a pattern of failure. I'm not good at keeping up on my house and let it get out of control. I'm more materialistic than I realize and allow us to collect too much stuff. I'm not focussed enough on hommaking and making our home a reflection of Christ. Then I started seeing more to the pattern.

This pattern of seeing all the things in my home that need thrown away and working on my un-organized school happens to me year after year in January & February. I don't do resolutions for the New Year, so why the push in January? I've decided that it has so much more to do with Lent than with January being a new year.

By the time Lent comes, I've usually gotten things to a place where I can ignore my surroundings (because it's not in my way) and focus on the interior things holding me back. The sacrifices of Lent aren't so hard, because the exterior of my life has more order. The exterior chaos in my life has quieted, so I can listen to the interior chaos and allow Him to give me rest & peace. After just going through the pattern of seeing the dis-ordered places in my life and making them ordered, it isn't as difficult to look at the sin in my life, the dis-ordered parts of me, and allowing God to put them in His order through the help of the Holy Spirit and coming to Him in Reconciliation. I don't see my sin as a monster I can't control, but an opportunity to come home to Him. Not a seperation I can never breach, but His hand held out to me to draw me close and give me His peace, His order.

I'm AMAZED that God uses this same pattern in other people's lives, too! A sister on the Oro Et Laboro board noticed this January pattern, too. The fact that we can see these patterns says to me that God is faithful in our lives and is really allowing us to live out, even in our interiror lives, the ebb and flow of His liturgical year. I had wanted to live by His order, but didn't know how. I made an effort, but didn't know how to internalize it. So many people looked so much more faithful than I felt. All I could do was try and live out the liturgical year externally - and try to give my children the chance to internalize God's order. All I can do is all I can do and that is to continue to try, even in the face of my failings. In the face of my not being a good enough house keeper, he has cleared the way to make my path straight - straight to Him and who He made me to be. The ebb and flow of the liturgical year is a beautiful thing to live out. He is the "order" in electron patterns. He is the "order" in the change of seasons and He is the "order" in our lives. (Like, we say it -- but it's so cool to see it!)