How Do I Prepare My Kids for High School Work?

It's one of the big 10 questions every homeschooler gets - "What about high school?"

Most moms I know FREAK OUT (including me) when deciding if they can handle homeschooling high school their first kid.

#1  You’re not wrong to freak out.  Is it good to give cautious attention and consideration about who you marry?  Is it reasonable to be concerned about pregnancy and birth when you’re never done it before?  Then it’s reasonable to give cautious consideration about launching a child into adulthood.  Besides, it’s hard, as is good parenting.  Not impossible, but challenging.  

#2  Homeschool Connections is my favorite resource of all time for Catholic high school coursework.  You can read about our experience here. 

#3 Classes, activities and a good youth group has been GREAT for my high schoolers to socialize.  I’ve found it’s even more important in the high school years for my kids to have outside friends and opportunities for fun.  My kids get much of this from Catholic homeschool friends.  My kids have plenty of Protestant homeschool friends they love and friends who go to school, but their sense of identity can be solidified with like-minded friends when it comes to religion and world-view.

#4 Preparing kids for high school coursework

I tried so hard to adequately prepare my oldest for high school work.  As we started high school, I did find a few holes – that was a tough year for my oldest, but we both survived.  I have done a better job preparing my other kids for high school work. 

Now, I spend the middle school years working on 3 main skills: 

*Being accountable for their time and finishing assignments on time without holding their hand (or badgering) 

For this skill, I use a student planner and a hefty list of carrots and consequences. My favorite student planner is Good News Planners from Creative Communications.  Even my big kids like the boxes of the “Elementary Planner” better than the open spaces of the “High School” planner.  Here’s why I like that particular planner.

The way I use it is to give my 5^th & 6^th graders daily assignments.  I’ll break down big assignments into smaller pieces for them.  Eventually as they master that, I transition them so that by 7^th & 8^th grade I’m giving them weekly assignments and they can break them down into daily to-do list for themselves.  At first I monitor their to-do lists to make sure they’ve broken them down into reasonable pieces and they’re getting them done.  Hopefully, by the end of 8^th grade I’m only going over their planner at the beginning of the week  to get it set up and at the end of the week when they turn in their assignments.  This is how I handle the organization of their work throughout high school.

*Independently learning from a textbook & Ability to study independently and take tests  THIS SKILL is soooo IMPORTANT to any sense of a traditional highschool education.  It's not something kids innately know and it has to be taught.  It can also take several years to master.  It also isn't a skill covered in any of the delight-driven, literature-based, classical elementary school that I do with my kids.
       My favorite middle school resource for this is a good science textbook.  I cover how to teach this in Test Taking Skills.

*Paper Writing  This I a tough skill and although they work on it during all of high school, I want them to have the rudiments of it before then. Here is an example of the expectations I have of my kids in each grade level including high school.

 In 8^th grade each of my kids writes me a HUGE research paper following along with Seton’s Composition for Young Catholics. 

How I use the resource.  Starting in quarter 2 of the year (because the first couple months of school is always a blur), the kids do 1 chapter per week.  Starting in quarter 3 (2^nd semester), the kids do roughly 1 chapter per week.  Several chapters get more than 1 week: Chapter 12 – Note Taking gets 3 weeks, Chapter 16 – First Draft gets 2 weeks, and Chapter 19 – Final Edit gets 2 weeks.

Carrots and Consequences

I've made several posts about disciplining children through the years.

• How can I homeschool when.... my kids don't listen to me?
• Kids Chores
• Laziness in children
• Virtue-Vice Chart

But it all can be summed up with the phrase "Carrots and Consequences".  Give them a reason for being good and a consequence if they aren't. 

I see my job as a parent is to teach them that being good (obedience to God) has wonderful  benefits (Heaven) and not being good (disobedience to God) has terrible consequences (Hell).

 I love "catching them being good" and reward them for it. Since they know that, they'll let me know if they've done something worthy of rewarding.  Their agony comes when I had an activity planned that they didn't know about and it gets taken away.  Oh, the wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Toddlers & Preschoolers

Any activity involving parental interaction (play ball for 10 minutes, etc.) vs. Time-Out

     Time-out is usually 2x their age for a single infraction.  If they are 4, they can get up to 8 minutes in time-out.  If they've done 2 things wrong at the same time, they don't serve contiguous sentences.  But if they do a new thing wrong, they'll certainly be put back in time-out.  Some kids end up in time-out for almost years of their lives.  Some kids need me to be there while they're in time-out or they'll go play.

Elementary

Whatever is their favorite activity vs. Taking that away

     I've grounded kids from reading. I've grounded them from playing the piano.  Really, I've grounded them from all sorts of stuff: cooking, speaking, spending time with their siblings, friends, being alone in their room, whatever they value.  Those are the same things I'll use as carrots: getting to bake cookies, deciding what we'll eat for dinner that night between 3 options I give them, sleeping in the dog kennel or someplace different in the house, 15 minutes of time before bed, etc. 

     For the boys, it's always "screens" - any electronic device (computer, video game, tv, etc.)

Teens

Fun activities (that they're asking for on a regular basis) vs. grounding

     Grounding is my discipline friend during the teen years.  I have one child who has suggested having a picture of her face with a circle and a slash through it for all the days she's grounded from facebook so her friends will know why she's not responding.  I reassure her - they know.

 Depending on the child, what looks like consequence, may be a carrot for another child.  My preschool daughters begged me to allow them to pin rags together  for them to wear and talk mean to them while they played Cinderella and scrubbed my kitchen floor on their hands and knees.

Virtue-Vice Chart

This has helped my discipline so many times through the years.  It has helped me give more appropriate consequences, reinforced by God's authority (not just mine), and keep the child's eyes on the goal, the positive, even in a negative situation.

It's got virtues (10) on the left side and the corresponding vice (honesty & lying / generosity & stealing) on the right side, with 2 bible verses (1 corresponding to each item) in between.  This takes up 2/3 of the poster.  Then at the bottom I have a long list of privileges & a short list of consequences.  I LOVE this! 

I take the kids to "the board", we quickly assess that them trying to talk to me on the phone is "stealing" my time & attention.  The bible verse refers to a thief learning to work hard, so the natural consequence is an additional chore.  Then before we leave "the board", we look over what God's grace has in store for the child if only they'll choose it.  I affirm how naturally 'generous' my child is and we read the verse of what God thinks of him when he's generous.

This is MY chart.  I used virtue/ vice vocabulary we use regularly (or want to use) and you should change the categories to match your family.  Also, not everyone will want the same verses – so you can change those to suit your family. Obviously, not everyone will choose the same discipline techniques.

How To : Virtue / Vice part is the top 2/3 of the poster.  The Privileges / Consequences part is the lower 1/3 of the poster.

Top 2/3 :  There are 3 columns for the top 2/3 of the poster.  The first column is 6" long for virtues (don't use this word as a title) , second is 10" long for bible verses, third is 6" long for vices.  Each of the 10 rows are 2" tall.

Bottom 1/3 : There are 3 columns, evenly spaced.  The first 2 columns are for Privileges (use the word as a title).  The second is for Consequences (one of the reasons you want a lot of privileges is to keep things positive, and the other is that one of the consequences is a loss of privilege).

http://highlanddove.org/images/vicevi2.gif
©Highland Dove Homeschool

A day in the life

Forcing an unmotivated kid to do school, helping a struggling learner, keeping track of a kid whose a great learner but can fly under the radar unnoticed if I'm not careful, keeping a quiet non-squeaky wheel in my sights no matter how loud the other ones squeak - whew - some days remind me that no matter how long I've been at this job, it's still heck-of-a-lot of hard work!!

Spouse Questing 101 : Summary

Some of my children are old enough to start looking around at the world (and their future) and asking questions. Here are some answers to questions they've asked (and haven't asked) about husband hunting, wife wishing, procuring a partner, looking for a life mate, mariting a marriage --- my title in imitation and admiration of The Once and Future King's Pellinore and his Questing Beast --- SPOUSE QUESTING.

Spouse Questing 101 :

• Lesson #1 To Thine Own Self Be True

William Shakespeare's proclivity for making the most ridiculous figure in his plays, the jester, reflect or speak the truth, this time in Hamlet.

• Lesson #2 Becoming Who You're Meant To Be

Going 'further up and further in' to find the dreams God has placed inside of you is a reference to C.S. Lewis' The Last Battle.
George Washington's Rules of Civility were his model for becoming who God meant him to be. Write yours down.

• Lesson #3 Draw me a picture

• Lesson #4 Shake the Trees

• Lesson #5 Submission to the Divine Will

These life lessons can be applied to many ages and stages in life. The process can be used for Spouse Questing or House Questing, Seeking Employment and Seeking Enjoyment, from Combating Loneliness to Attaining Holiness.

Spouse Questing 101 : Lesson #5 Submission to the Divine Will

You've learned your lessons well ...
Lesson #1 To Thine Own Self Be True
Lesson #2 Becoming Who You're Meant To Be
Lesson #3 Draw me a picture
Lesson #4 Shake the Trees

You've experienced the patience of Job and it's been an unreasonable time period. I was in year 8 of this process before I hit this stage. I spent 2 years on Lesson 1, and did 2, 3 & 4 simultaneously (thus the slow progress) for another 6 years. When I give warnings, I speak from whence I came.

At year 8 I started playing with fire and considered settling. How long is a healthy American girl supposed to wait??? I was wrong. It was completely wrong for me to throw away my dream. O.K. I learned about that one the hard way. But I'm still stuck, year 9 is approaching and no dream-boat.

It dawned on me. Maybe this wasn't what God wanted from me. I couldn't throw my dream away, but I did have to allow it to die and start the process of birthing a new dream. God!? WHAT DO YOU WANT?? Whatever you want, I'll do -- even if it's not what I want. I just want to be Yours completely.

It wasn't until I hit this place that I finally understood the almost decade long process I'd been through. Understanding myself was important. Becoming who God wanted me to was equally important. Deciding what I wanted from life was important. Making all reasonable efforts toward that end was important. Now, submission to God became the most important thing. I couldn't have submitted all of me if I didn't know who I was. I couldn't have given Him everything if I wasn't willing to be remade in His image. I couldn't give Him every part of my dreams if I didn't know what they were. I would be a less-than-worthy servant if I weren't willing to work for the dreams He'd placed in me. Now I needed to give all that work to Him like burning paper in a fire.
It. Was. So. Hard.
In one way it hurt more than anything had before because it was something I'd done and gained with Him. In another way, He'd given me lots of little practices along the way of submitting my will to His.
O.K. With His help I can do this. I started looking into becoming a missionary -- starting the process over again of seeing who I was in light of not being who I thought I was going to be (a wife, a mother).


It was then, that He gave me my wildest dream and I met my dream-boat. It was better (and harder) than I'd imagined possible. The last lesson in the death of a dream and completely submitting my future to God was part of the process for me. It may be part of your journey, too.

Giving up is bad - it's quitting. Giving in is bad - it's settling. Giving your dreams to God as a gift is sometimes, maybe lots of times, what He asks of us. As He's hanging there on his cross with His arms outstretched, He's asking "Do you love me like I love you?" We have to say 'yes.' He's trustworthy without yes.

Every quest ends in Him.

Spouse Questing 101 : Lesson #4 Shake the Trees

I had no qualms or misgivings that I WANTED to be married and I was seeking it actively, hungrily, like seeking employment or a place to live or new friends.

When you shake the trees, a coconut or two may fall on your head -- but you may also find the dinner you're looking for.

You've gone through the looooong process and
...you know who you are.
...you've become someone who is in a position to get what you want.
...you know what you want.

Now, you need to make it happen.

This is often a step many people jump to when still unprepared. They want to find someone fantastic, but they haven't done the work on themselves to become someone fantastic or they find someone who's a great fit for themselves, but can't hold on to them because their lack of virtues keeps them from being "marriage material."

This is also a step many people don't quite get to (and it's important). It's like paying for the car and forgetting to drive it off the lot. You and God have done all this hard work on you and you're worth having. Often, people who don't go out to make their dream happen just don't feel like their worth in obtaining it.

There is a third group of people who don't want to go out and make their dreams happen -- they want to stay home and let God bring the right person to them. This type of person is given over to prayer and is completely accepting of God's will. Please make sure you are close enough to God to accept every part of His will, even the death of your dream, with the same joyful acceptance as you would the fulfillment of it. Don't use spirituality as a cover for fear or laziness -- it won't end well. I'm not saying God is obligated to send you your dream-boat. However, you and He have prayerfully worked together toward this end and to not reach for the prize is just silly.

The first thing you should do is pray, pray, pray. Then, look around. Where are you likely to find this dream-boat you dreamed up? At a bar or at church? Should you look in the singles ads online or at CatholicMatch.com? Join a ski club if it's an activity you'd be interested in (it might have the added bonus of your dream-come-true being there).

Continue to put yourself in places and positions where you might find the kind of spouse you want - bible study, try another church within your denomination, help out a soup kitchen, etc. When you have an attitude of openness to meet new people and try new experiences, you're going to have the body language and social skills that enable you to be an approachable person. Don't forget to pray, pray, pray, pray, pray.

At this stage of the game, it's vital that you don't slip into one of the world's lies - that who you and God have helped you become isn't enough. You don't need to dress immodestly or throw yourself at someone. You're not less-than because you haven't found the right person, yet. You don't want to loose your identity and allow your behavior or choices to undermine who you've become. Don't settle for anything less than the complete fulfillment of your dream.

Spouse Questing 101 : Lesson #3 Draw me a picture

I read Should I Marry Him? and thought it was an excellent article on the topic.
When I was looking for a husband I had a picture in my mind of what sort of man he needed to be. It was a list of what I wanted/needed in a man. I was looking for an overall well balanced human being and I had the list divided into categories that deal with his whole person : mind, spirit, physical & future - this is a random order. Even while I was dating, the priorities on this list sort of jockeyed back and forth for top position -- none on the list was expendable:

Spiritual

• Fidelity - he had to be someone that wouldn't go out on me and cheat. I didn't want to be ANYONE's sloppy seconds. I was worth more than that.
  


• Character Virtues - like honesty, integrity, etc. It's nothing you can train a man to have -- either he comes to you with a solid character or he's not worth having. His parents either did a good job in this area or they didn't.
  


• Have a relationship with Christ - This was really important and often showed itself by having the above virtues. I looked for fruit of this in their lives like compassion, maturity, and balance in their reactions to stressful situations. As I personally grew in my Catholic faith, this evolved into wanting a Christ-centered Catholic husband. After dating some very nice men from different denominations, I knew the world-view differences could tear us apart and I needed someone who at the minimum would be willing to convert.

Mind

• Intelligent - I really wanted someone who was smart enough to look up to. What was inside his mind was as attractive to me, if not more attractive, than how he looked. He didn't have to be 'book-smart', he could be fabulous with fixing things or a math-whiz, but an area he'd tilled the soil of his mind to become someone who excelled.
  


• Common Sense -- I wanted to be secure in relying on his judgment, particularly in areas that I'm weaker.


• Secure Self-Identity -- I wanted a man who knew who he was. It's hard to respect someone who doesn't have a good self-identity (you can feel sorry for them, but not respect them). I also wanted someone who was confident enough in himself, to allow me to be myself. If I decided to start a business, go back to school, take up para-sailing or painting, I didn't want a husband who was too insecure to allow me to follow my dreams -- even the ones I hadn't started to dream yet. Plus, I have a VERY strong personality and I wanted someone who could hold their own with me. I didn't want a puppet, but a man.
  

Physical

• Be madly into ME -- I didn't want someone who was in love with love -or- didn't respect my boundaries -or- just wanted to talk about himself...but someone who thought the sun rose and set on ME and wanted to make ME happy more than he wanted to please himself.


• Treat me like a Princess - I wanted a knight who valued my dignity and treated me with kid gloves. I knew that, as a helpmate & a nurturer, it's easy for a woman to be taken for granted. Even while that's bound to happen, I wanted a man who would be looking out for my best interest - looking for my better-self, not just use me. Using isn't relegated to the physical, but things like watching what I wanted on TV or deferring to my wishes in multiple situations. *ALSO* this category was vital to the safety of myself and my future daughters. A man, no matter his stature, is stronger than a woman. An angry man is really, really, really strong. They are potentially very dangerous. I wanted a man who could keep his anger in check, no matter how mad I made him.
  


• Hard Worker - I explain this under "Looking to the Future".


• Perfect kissing height - I'm 5'6", so to stand with feet firmly planted (not on tip toe) and have to tip my head back in a comfortable position, he needed to be about 5'10. [at the time I didn't realize how much our kissing would be when one of us is sitting down and the other is leaving the room]

Looking to the Future

• Hard Worker - Even if we didn't accumulate financially, (which would be nice but wasn't top on my list), I wanted someone who wasn't lazy. I'd seen fun, lazy dads who allowed their children to suffer from want of something and who didn't go get a second job, go back to school, or do whatever it took to care for their family. I wanted a dad who would provide for his family.


• Nurturing - I was NOT just looking for a husband. I was choosing a father for the 5 or 6 kids I wanted to have. The example of a dad for a boy who will eventually become a man is immeasurable - he needs a model to know HOW to become a man. The gentleness and attention a girl needs from her daddy to become confident and secure can not be replaced by anything else.

I studied a prospective mate like I was going to have to take a test on him. I am/was a child of divorce and knew the devastating consequences of failing this test. I wasn't willing to put any sweet baby God gave me through the pain of being ripped limb from limb that divorce brings with it.

I didn't go into this process thinking I could change a man. A man is a man, and is often an immovable object. They will change, as will you, but not in ways that can be foreseen or manipulated, even by the best of intentions. I'd seen very very sorrowful women try to change the men in their lives and it left them with regret.

After you've made your list - read this article by Elizabeth Foss. Balance and competing advice from another loving Catholic mom all help you mature and see the world in all its complexity.

#1 Job - Pray. Know yourself well enough to know what you want. Pray.

#2 Job - Pray. Draw a picture of what your ideal spouse would look like. Put it on paper. Read it over. Look for those same characteristics in your dad, uncle, best guy friend. Pray. If you find a characteristic you want in your husband, add it to the list. Tape to your bedroom wall. Pray.

Spouse Questing 101 : Lesson #2 Becoming Who You're Meant To Be

If you want to marry someone worth having, you have to become a person worth having by someone who is that spectacular. Do you have healthy habits that contribute to becoming a wonderful person or that hinder the process?

After a spending a year or two learning Lesson #1 To Thine Own Self Be True, I found that making myself happy wasn't the end of the road. In dreaming my own dreams, I discovered that who I was in the present wasn't living up to who I wanted to be.

My question changed from 'what will make my parents/teachers happy' past through 'what will make me happy?' and transformed into 'How would the person I want to become handle this?'

To even begin to answer the last question, I had to go further up and further in, do some more deep sea diving and soul searching to find out who it was I wanted to become. Explore who you might become. Do things you haven't tried before. Don't do anything illegal or immoral or stupid, but something exciting and different. What would that be?

Is there a movie or book character you admire? What do you like about him : courage? lack of fear? perseverance? joy? confidence? What about someone from history or someone in your own life -- who do you admire and why? Are you a person with those attributes and virtues?

If you don't like what you see in yourself, change it. Our world tells lies, like 'people can't change'. George Washington took a good look at himself and the people around him, wrote down all the attributes he'd like to have - and became them. He's now known as the Father of our Country.

Do you want the good news or the bad news first? The bad news : This leg of the journey can be painful. To let go of childish ways and live as a mature adult in Christ with all the virtues and balance associated with it requires self-control and pounds and pounds of grace. The good news : Christ has an ocean of grace just waiting for us to ask for it. Also, self-discipline/self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit -- just living in a relationship with God (talking to Him, asking His advice, taking His advice, sharing our hurts with Him) opens our soul to bear the fruits of God.

If you think you need it, go to a good Christian Counselor (look for a counselor who comes highly recommended by someone who you think has it all together).

This lesson is more than just a psychological state of mind. If you are a man wanting a wife, you need to be prepared to support the family that comes with the 'fun' parts of marriage. You can't rely on the ability to finish school later or that your family or parents will get you through tough times. To prove yourself able to be marriage material is making a living before you start looking for a wife. By the same token, to look for a husband before you know how to cook a meal, take care of yourself, or are emotionally & spiritually willing and able to set your wants and needs aside for every other person in your family is irresponsible. I'm not saying younger marriages are wrong, that it's impossible for parents to help their married children, or that you have to be accomplished in every area of life before getting married. But part of being a mature Christian is bearing up under the weight of responsibility of your choices. Marriage is a big decision and shouldn't be made quickly or lightly before you've assessed if you're ready.

Becoming who God made you to be is worth the effort. He has a beautiful plan for you and He can be trusted.

Don't believe the lies.

• I could never get someone that great
• No one decent would want to care for me
• People don't change
• I could never become that kind of a person (successful, wise, holy)

Believe in the God who thought you into existence, knit you in your mother's womb, and has a divine plan for your life.

• I am worth loving.
• God wants me to embrace His plan for me. [He planned it and He placed it in my heart. Who am I to reject the Creator of the Universe?]
  
• No one will treat me better than I treat myself. [This isn't about indulging yourself, but taking good care of yourself.]
  
• Even if it looks impossible, God will help me. [This process can take years. Don't be daunted. The years will slip by no matter what. It would be a shame if you still didn't know yourself.]
  
• This task is hard -- but hard work never hurt anyone.

I spent years praying for God to reveal who was the person He meant for me to be. I begged Him to show me how get there. I spent years failing in my task to become. Even if I wanted to give up on myself, God's patience is inexhaustible. I continued to ask the questions and ask for His help. In answer to the question 'How would the person I want to become handle this?' I behaved as if I were already that person and in doing so... and God gave me the grace to become the person I wished I were.

Spouse Questing 101 : Lesson #1 To Thine Own Self Be True

Some of my children are old enough to start looking around at the world (and their future) and asking questions. Here are some answers to questions they've asked (and haven't asked).

Lesson #1 - Know yourself well enough to know what you want. If you don't know who you are, you're bound to make massive mistakes in choosing a spouse.

Learn about yourself. Write letters to yourself -- what do you want to say? Is your self-talk negative? Are you the person you wish you were? Who is the person you wish you were? Talk to healthy friends and ask them what you're like - have them describe you in phrases or single words. Are you really that person they think you are? What would your enemies or people who don't like you say? Are you really that person they think you are?

Do you feel free to dream your own dreams of yourself? If not, why not? What is standing in your way? What are the dreams? Don't worry if they're attainable, worry if you throw them away without trying for them. Is that everything you want to be? God has a plan for you, are you fulfilling it?

What about the relationships in your life -- are you truly happy (or just settling for what comes) with the way people treat you? You know you have to teach people how to treat you. What about the way you treat them? What goes around comes around (meaning you can't expect to have good friends until you ARE a good friend.)

When I was a teenager, Hamlet was required reading for English class. Even though the guy giving the advice wasn't worthy of respect, his advice was.

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

I read it. I let it become part of me. I recited it to myself during trying & unsure times. God made me with His plan for my life and He holds me with a dignity that I have to imitate in the way I treat myself.

My questions changed from 'what will make my parents/teachers happy' to 'what will make me happy?' Not the indulgence eating-a-pound-of-chocolate happy, but the healthy eating-a-balanced-diet-and-training-for-a-marathon-and-winning kind of happy. I was looking for the deep down genuinely proud-of-myself-for-accomplishing-what-I-wasn't-sure-I-could happy. The I-can-look-myself-in-the-mirror kind of happy. The I'd-be-thrilled-to-include-my-younger-siblings-and-grandparents-in-my-behavior kind of happy.

You may have to do some deep sea diving - literally and figuratively. Literally, if the person you want to be lives on the ocean and you live in the land-locked Midwest, do things to start to explore that part of yourself and see if that's who you really are. Figuratively, you may have to do some exploring inside of yourself to see who you really are. Dream some dreams for yourself an then act on a few to explore a side of you that even you didn't know about. Do you love to look at artwork? Pick up a brush and paint and see if that's who you are. Do you thrill at the way a horse runs through a field? Call several stables and see if they'll exchange your free labor for riding lessons. Do you miss the way the wind used to blow past your face when you were little on the swing set? Take up running and see if you're not more capable than you expected.

Once you find you have a knack, don't let someone else define what you're capable of doing with it. You can ask for healthy advice, but this is about your dreams for yourself. *AND* be careful with your dreams. Protect them. This is an application for the bible verse about not throwing your pearls before swine. If there is a dream killer in your life (or several), nurture your dreams within yourself and explore them a bit on your own so they've taken root and are healthy & growing inside your mind, before you share them with someone who may be a dream killer. Some of your dreams are just fanciful wishes. But some are dreams that God has dreamed just for you and placed in your mind. Nurture them and protect them before you expose them to the elements.

This activity of knowing yourself and exploring who God made you to be can take some time. I spent 1-2 years actively learning how to apply 'To Thine Own Self Be True" in many situations so I could lovingly "not then be false to any man." Stay here a while. Who are you? What are your dreams? Are you happy with the relationships & experiences in your life?

If you're not sure of the answer to any of the many questions above; ask Him -- He knows you better than you know yourself. And you're worth knowing. So get to know yourself -- well.

It all comes down to love

Love is...

...not freaking out when your 2 year old wants to kiss and cuddle and breathes on you while he has a bad cold knowing you're probably going to catch his cold.
...picking him up and holding him even though he just threw a fit in church and he doesn't feel so adorable right now.

...letting your 8 year old snuggle with you in bed even though he didn't clean his room the 3 times you reminded him and you're still pretty miffed at him.
...admiring his artwork that you really don't care about that moment, just because HE cares about it.

...letting your 10 year old have an extra 20 minutes of a computer math game even though he tends to obsess about computer games because he has to have room to practice SELF-discipline.
...letting him try and struggle to read in front of a group of people because he thinks he can do it and you don't want to tell him otherwise.

...listening to your 12 year old's story of what happened at youth group even though your head hurts after catching the 2 year old's cold.
...pushing through the tears and yelling and being patient and encouraging while she discovers what you already knew -- she really IS capable of doing hard school.

...including your 14 year old in the talk you're having with your friend because she wants to feel like she's growing up.
...hosting a high school literature class for all your daughter's friends, even though it's her strongest subject and she doesn't need the help and it's costing you many hours of extra study to prepare it just because she loves it so much.

...feeling stretched in everyway but Tuesday because each of the kids have a different passion and enjoy different activities, but the desires of each child is just as important as the others.
...ironing the kids' clothes for Mass week after week so your husband doesn't have to.
...doing all the mom stuff you don't want to like meal planning, sorting clothes for the season change, cleaning the house for the 3rd time that day.

This is love.

And it's a beautiful way to live.

"How do you do it all?"

I get this question alllllll the time. Really, I DON'T do it all.


I think what the questioner is really asking is how do I get school done with the normal tasks of running a home. I firmly believe that homeschooling is not more difficult than being a good parent. Homeschooling is an extension of being a good parent and the same life-skills apply.

A friend of mine told me that although I insist I'm not a routine/scheduled person by nature, that with a houseful of kids....a girl has to develop survival techniques. That's what these are--survival techniques. I don't survive gracefully or silently -- I'm barely making it through some days. I am, however, surviving with JOY!

How do I do it all? I go to sleep each night asking forgiveness for my sins and strength for my weak areas and wake up in the morning and WITH GOD'S GRACE do it all over again.

Jenn's Routines (or suvival strategies) We do it together as much as possible. I oversee to make sure things get done and they are the worker bees.


In addition to the kids doing a reasonable amount of the cleaning (since they're doing the majority of the messing up), I have some systems in place for running the house. I do meal planning and here and here especially through the school year. I have a master shopping list and keep lists everywhere (and loose them, too.)

I cut myself slack. Mom's Night Outs are essential, life-giving evenings for me. I make sure that my prayer life and emotional well-being are being attended to. This is a fine line. I've seen moms neglecting the needs of their children to attend to their own needs and this is what our culture encourages. That isn't what I'm saying. I'm also not a door mat. Balance is difficult, but essential. We have breaks through the year that work for our family.

I keep a running list of curriculum items I want to explore when I have 10 minutes or an evening. I find this helps tremendously. I organize the list by subject, but you could just as easily organize it by age. Even if the book is something that's far far in the future, I still put it down to explore later. This is one less item to worry about forgetting. I can forget it guilt-free because once a year I go back to my running list and see if anything will apply to the upcomming year and toss it in the hopper of items to consider (and mostly reject.)

I keep a list of our schedule for the year. I did mine in a spreadsheet (it's just the way I think- I started on paper) and this way I can print a schedule for each child or set of children. Our schedule is done in a Manager's of their Homes method with the heart of A Mother's Rule of Life. I found both of these (seeming opposing) methods of scheduling to reside nicely in the dichotomy that is my mind. We only do "book work" 4 days a week and the 5th day we run errands, do many of our "extra curriculuar" activities and have fun.

I combine children in subject areas as much as possible. This serves 2 purposes -- I have less to teach and the kids can bounce off each other when we have crafts/discussions/activities. I also keep us on the same topic even if they're in different books. So, Dd#1 is reading the Odyssey while the younger kids are learning about the Ancient Greeks. The same purposes apply as above. I also have the kids teach each other where appropriate. I taught preschool ONCE. My 1st grader/3rd grader/5th grader / 9th grader are all happy for a little sandbox play to teach preschool. I make sure they have time in their schedule so they're not getting overwhelmed with work, but so far, they all count it joy. No one has offered to take over teaching the kindergardener to read, so I'll do that 5 times (lucky me.)

Toddlers are a force to be reckoned with -- prepare to meet them head on or be bowled over by them. I have a list of Things To Do With Your Toddler While You Homeschool and here. The list works for 3 year olds as well as, if not better than, it did when they were 2 years old. I'm also a fan of school in the bathroom. All my kids love baths and a rowdy 2 year old is contained in the bath. I take 1 other kid and while I sit in the bathroom (trying to stay dry from all the splashing) I work with the older child.

So those are most of my survival tricks.

5 Minute Brain Breaks

I haven't read this book Brain Gym: Simple Activities for Whole Brain Learning, but I need to. I do have enough sense to realize that some of my kids need to MOVE to be able to sustain attention for very long. Therefore, as needed, or as scheduled for some kids (~3/day), we have


5 Minute Brain Breaks

• kick a ball
• jump rope
• swing
• do tricks on rings
• jump on trampolene
• shoot basketball hoops
• take a short walk
• run the dog across the yard
• chore breaks
• jumping jacks while quizzing spelling
• ride bikes
• dance
• Fun Physical Fitness Book

What to do for school when Mama isn't feeling well

I made this list mainly for pregnancy times. The kids can work in a workbook without me, but some of the kids may only have 30 minutes of work in their workbooks. What to do with them the other 9 1/2 hour until Daddy gets home? The list is specific to our house and books and activities in our house. It was designed with ages 4-10 in mind.


What to do for school when Mama isn't feeling well

• Do Little Saints with boys
• Read boys a saint story
• Do flashcards racing across the room
• Mary Coloring Book
• Practice writing on the wipe-off board
• Read Catholic Stories from Science
• Ds#4 read to girls
• Play Sparkle
• Listen to Story of the World CD
• Play Mass
• Listen to educational music
• Play a United States Game
• Paint Heaven (ask Mama what this might look like)
• Dd#1 read a hard book outloud
• Listen to a book on tape
• Count to 500 by 2's
• Make up a piano duet
• Read boys a kids' book
• Cut out the Digestive System from Construction Paper
• Make up a cheer for your 5 senses
• Practice Disaster saftey
• Make a Tree book with leaf samples & rubbings, draw tree shapes & label
• Act out the beginnings of Rome
• Sing Row Your Boat in rounds
• Read Classical Kids & choose an activity (ask Mama)
• Do a science project (ask Mama)
• Have a paper boat floating contest
• Play Picture This folder game
• Play Silly Sentences
• Sew sock monkeys (ask Mama)
• Agree on a title and everyone make up their own story (in secret) with the same title.
• Then we'll have an author night and read your stories
• Make a volocano in the sand box (ask Mama)
• Play computer games in Kids' Places that are NOT Nick Jr. or PBS Kids
• Count to 750 by 5's
• Read a story online http://www.mainlesson.com/
• Measure the water that comes out of the hose in one minute
• Look up an artist in Sr. Wendy and try to paint like him
• Listen to Bethoveen CD
• Act out Alexandar the Great
• Have a geography bee
• Read a bible story & coloring page
• Listen to Grammar Songs
• Listen to Latin Songs CD
• Jewish Holidays coloring book
• Read boys a history story
• Play Jepardy (history, science)
• Play Latin Bingo
• Ds#3 read to girls
• Do a craft (ask Mama)
• Look through activity books
• Make history paper dolls
• Play scrabble
• Put together a Map puzzle
• Draw 1 small square of our yard
• Do a worksheet
• Read boys a Mass book
• Listen to bible tapes (St. Michael)
• Do math on the wipe-off board
• Do an ArtPac project
• Look up Usborne or Kingfisher and make a Lego building like a different culture
• Catch a bug & draw it - make a bug book
• Pull apart a leaf so all veins are intact
• Play number squeeze
• Teach the boys to finger crochet
• Try to sing in harmony
• Count to 1000 by 10's
• Memorize a poem and we'll video tape a poetry night
• Declare it (butterfly) day. Research, draw, craft, act out, look up poems, make poems….
• make a chart of people's scores jumping rope
• Play Decimal Street
• Read boys a science book
• Write a book of the story of your life using the bound books
• Online drawing lessons http://donnayoung.org/art/draw1.htm
• Have a spelling bee
• Play a Mass folder Game

I felt like I was in a movie today...

I was leaving the grocery store and calculating in my head how much I could spend at the next 2 stores I had to go to after what I'd just spent. I had Ds#4, who is 6 years old, and the baby with me. The checkout lady had stacked groceries in the child seat so I couldn't put the baby in the cart. As I exit the building after putting the baby's booties, gloves, hat and scarf on (actually I put both gloves on 3 times because while I was reaching for the other glove, he'd take off the one I'd just put on and throw it on the ground while I was trying to wrestle his hand into the next glove.)

I pushed the full cart with one hand while I held the baby on my hip with the other arm (and multiple layers of coat & scarf between us) and directed the 6 year old to stay close to me in the parking lot. We just got around 5 inches of snow and the lot wasn't completely cleared. Between the heavy cart, trying to keep the 6 year old near and being one handed, that snow in the lot REALLY slowed me down. I was stopped in my tracks when I realized I hadn't been able to park in the front row, but the next row back. The cars were parked too close together to allow me between them with the cart. Even realizing this, I tried to go straight to my car --nope, I couldn't do it.

We had to go around the aisle of cars, into the drive to get into the parking lot, up the hill, back around the back of the next aisle to get arrive a the trunk of my car. I'm a healthy, spoiled American, this shouldn't be such a big deal! "O.K., honey, let's go around and stay close because cars may need to go around us since we're walking up the main drag." The hill up to my aisle (I don't think I ever even noticed there was a hill there, more of a slight incline) was more difficult to get up than I realized - with being one-handed and the weight of the cart in the snow. So, instead of pushing from behind, I got in front of the cart and pulled. The wheels weren't really turning (clogged with snow), so I was taking tiny steps and with as large of jerky motions as I could manage while keeping hold of the baby I dragged the cart up the hill. I remember thinking 'good, we're there.' We weren't.

As I turned the corner to get to my aisle, the cart got stuck. Not a little stuck, alot of stuck. When the lot had been plowed, the corners ended up with more snow and I didn't account for that. I asked Ds#4 to help push, but he had my wallet, keys and the baby's sippy cup. So I'm pulling as hard as I can and he's trying to push with his shoulders (his hands were occupied). Then we switched and I tried to balance the baby on the handlebars of the cart (which he thought was hilarious) and I tried to hold him and push the cart with my feet and stomach -- it didn't work.

New plan. I left the cart to be run over by a car...if that was going to happen, so be it. I took the baby and the boy and strapped them into the van. I left them to try and dislodge the cart. Just then an old lady offered to help. I hated to take her up on it (I should be helping old ladies), but I really needed help. We managed to push-pull the cart back and forth and get it through the snow to the car.

By the time I got the car loaded up and the cart back to the store (I seriously thought about leaving it in the parking lot, but didn't want it to be in the way of the old lady who helped me or someone in a worse position than me) and got back to the car, the baby was screaming to get out of his car seat. So he SCREAMED all the way home (we didn't get the other 2 places). It was like some weird comedy movie where the main character gets in tangle after tangle -- I'm like a movie star.

During all this I kept thinking of Dave in his warm office talking on the phone for his job. Just then, my job seemed so much harder than his....

Motherhood

This poetry reminded me of the writing of Kahlil Gibran - it's beautiful!

http://www.grandparentagain.com/community/free_path.html

A blogger slow down

I've been getting a few comments about the fact that I'm not blogging as much. I'm typing one-handed at this moment.

So here's the highlights from this & last week:

• The kids are under Martial Law for not being diligent during school time (serious problem). It's much more work for me to have them on Martial Law - but it'll be worth it eventually.


• The baby's diapers have been changing and last week he went 6 days between poops. He doesn't appear uncomfortable with it - but it'd disconcerting.
  
• Nothing too exciting around here -- but I'm praying heartboken after reading this article about Romanian Orphans.
  
• We're studiing the time of the apostles this month and I found St. Peter with Omar Shariff at the video store - his acting was captivating. The dubbing was a litle distracting, but the kids didn't seem to notice at all.
  
• Another great Catholic kids book on the topic was The Man Who Never Died: The Life and Adventures of St. Peter, the First Pope

Learning Styles Assessment Tool

Umnnn... I'm completely blown away.
I've known about this test for several years, but thought..."I know how my kids learn. Why would I pay $20 to learn what I already know?"

Umnnn... I was wrong.

I'd been having problems dealing with one of the kids and my sleep deprivation was making things that were always a struggle more like an open seeping wound. Both child & I were raw. I saw a message online where someone was praising the test and said they wouldn't be having the problems with a child they were having now, if they'd followed the recommendations on the test several years earlier. That's one of my greatest fears : that I'll damage the relationship with one of my children by not fixing things when they need fixed (either in me or the child).

So we took the test. The results to the test came back immediately. I was blown away. I called a friend because I was so overwhelmed by what I learned THAT I'D NEVER KNOWN about MY OWN CHILD! I've always seen certain traits, but I'd attributed them to immaturity or self-centeredness. The test revealed to me that it was almost the opposite in that child. I didn't just have the wind knocked out of me -- I was bruised and scraped from the fall.

Since we got the results, I've just been praying over them to be able to discern the truth in them for our family. I've already made changes and our lives have changed!

I cannot recommend this test highly enough. I haven't done the assessment on the other children -- the test recommends waiting. I've got enough to assimilate, I can wait.

The test is from a Catholic Homeschool Provider, Mercy Academy. The test isn't, however, exclusively for Catholics. My friend (who I called) took it with her children and she isn't Catholic. (She had to call me when she got the results...she was blow away with the things she knew and the things she learned, too. She said it was like someone had been peeking in their windows and directly observed her kids. She's telling everyone about it, too.)

Mercy Academy is also the place that gives out the free Teaching Style Test. I have both links at the right side bar of this blog.

Kids "Helping" Accident #548 & 549

Dd#2 (did you suspect someone else?) asked if she could bake a cake. She's done this many times on her own...so, OK. I stayed in my recliner in the other room. Dd#1 came in to tattle that her sister was making a layer cake. Even though I discourage the kids from making 2-layer cakes (more dishes, more mess, etc.), she's done that before...and the directions are on the box...and she can read...so, OK.

I came into the kitchen an hour or so later. A cake blob greeted me in the oven, along with every baking utensil & ingredient known to man (many that were not required in the baking of a boxed cake) was on the counter and the table. First I had the girls start to clean up their mess. Then, I turned my attention to the cake. It turns out she'd used a 5" round, an 8" round and an 8" square to make her layer cake. There wasn't enough batter, so she'd mixed up 2 cake mixes. Since there weren't directions for the "layer cake" she'd conceived of, she'd thought she'd wing it. "Yes, I know how to make a cake like this." I walked away in disgust, turning my attention to the mess in the kitchen, and let her continue to poke the cakes at 4 minute intervals waiting for them to get done. Low & behold, it was time for the kids to leave for Religious Education classes and the cakes still weren't done. After she was in the car, I realized that she'd turned the oven off after the first stabbing (to detect for doneness) and had only been setting the timer over and over, without the oven being on.

An hour after she left (it really was Divine Mercy that she had to leave) I had the cakes baked. They did turn out.

Oh...#549 - As I was cleaning up her cake mess and opened the fridge... the blender base (that I'd asked her to wipe down and put away 3 days in a row) fell on my head.

P.S. The blender does not belong ontop of the fridge, but under the cabinet.

Just Say Yes

I read an article about a homeschool mom looking back at the end of her journey. It was about things she'd done right and things she'd wished she'd learned earlier along the way. This piece of advice struck me. I think it's a small thing that I can do to be more positive :

Just Say Yes.We seem to have bought into the "Just Say No" mentality: No, you may not have dessert because you didn't eat your supper. No, you may not play with your friend because you didn't finish your chores. I realized that I could turn those no's into yes's and turn the responsibility into a positive thing for my kids. Yes, you may have dessert as soon as you finish your healthy food. Yes, you may play with her after you finish your morning jobs. I was not "The Bad Guy" anymore. After all, I was giving them permission to do what they had asked (if it was truly an acceptable option). The responsibility was now in their laps. If they did not get dessert, whose choice had that been? And whose "fault" was it now if they didn't finish their chores and get to play? Aha! The concept of personal responsibility!