Well, I insist on it. I've seen parents that are afraid to act like the parent - I'm not. They don't do anything fun until they do their chores. If they fight me on it (yell and cry) they go to their room until they're ready to do it -- joyfully. In our house, we believe our children are each a gift from God to our family. We also believe kids are capable of much more than today's society gives them credit for. I also treat them like children in that I use tons of encouragement and am satisfied with their best effort -- EVEN WHEN IT DOESN'T MEET MY ADULT STANDARDS. I'm not a drill Sergeant in making them make their beds over and over until it's perfect. On the other hand, I may make them re-sweep the floor if there are glaring spots they've missed. BALANCE, is called for and not making chores something they hate (they'll complain enough without us, as parents, making it worse.)
If we're talking about a laziness issue -- that's a separate post.
As a tool that teaches to the heart, I've found that firm, but unemotional discipline coupled with loving times (pats, glances, chats) to be fantastic. We made this Virtue-Vice Chart as a tool that slows down the discipline process and allows me time to think how I want to react rather than having to react immediately when I'm angry and can't think.
Basically, I'm the parent and since I believe chores are GOOD for my children, I make them. Some children naturally respond to this better than others. Do I allow them to go outside without their coat in winter -- even if they want to ? Nope. And I don't allow them to shirk their responsibilities to each other by not doing their chores.
What ages should I start chores?
My toddlers ALWAYS want to help. It's the hassle of my life (along with car seats). Even so, I let them help me. I give them a hand towel to carry while I carry the rest of the laundry. I pick up their doll and have them put it away. We make a game of picking up their blocks and toys. I reward them for their efforts, even when it's less than adult standards.
By the time they're in preschool (ages 3 or 4) they have their own daily chore (helping set the table) and are expected to pick up their own toys, sometimes with help.
What chores are appropriate for what ages?
There is lots of information on this online.
- http://www.printablechecklists.com/checklist11.shtml
- http://www.thefamilycorner.com/parenting/growingpains/3.shtml
- http://housekeeping.about.com/od/chorechart1/a/ageapprchores.htm
5yr old : sweep kitchen daily
7yr old : empty dishwasher daily
9yr old : clean 1 bathroom per day, mop floor once a week & take out trash once a week
11yr old : do dishes daily
They keep their daily jobs for a year and then we switch. We cross-train in the spring when school has ended for the jobs they'll have for the next year. That way they have all summer for me to follow-up on them and remind/retrain on the right way to do their job before they're just expected to do it on their own when school comes in the fall. I try really hard to make the retraining part not be a time when I'm frustrated and yelling at them for what they're not doing right. I want to empower them to do it, not frustrate them into discouragement.
They also have to clean their rooms (no allowance for that -- it's just an expectation), clean up after themselves, and whatever chores I ask them to do during the day. If they do them joyfully, they get an allowance.
My long-term goal is that they'll know how to do just about everything in the house by the time they're 13. Then, in the teen years, I'll teach them to juggle and multi-task to pull it all together. So far, we're mostly on track!
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