This picture was taken when we were engaged and in my brother's wedding.
Showing posts with label Dave. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dave. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Spouse Questing 101 : Summary
Some of my children are old enough to start looking around at the world (and their future) and asking questions. Here are some answers to questions they've asked (and haven't asked) about husband hunting, wife wishing, procuring a partner, looking for a life mate, mariting a marriage --- my title in imitation and admiration of The Once and Future King's Pellinore and his Questing Beast --- SPOUSE QUESTING.
Spouse Questing 101 :
George Washington's Rules of Civility were his model for becoming who God meant him to be. Write yours down.
These life lessons can be applied to many ages and stages in life. The process can be used for Spouse Questing or House Questing, Seeking Employment and Seeking Enjoyment, from Combating Loneliness to Attaining Holiness.
Spouse Questing 101 :
- Lesson #1 To Thine Own Self Be True
- Lesson #2 Becoming Who You're Meant To Be
George Washington's Rules of Civility were his model for becoming who God meant him to be. Write yours down.
- Lesson #3 Draw me a picture
- Lesson #4 Shake the Trees
- Lesson #5 Submission to the Divine Will
These life lessons can be applied to many ages and stages in life. The process can be used for Spouse Questing or House Questing, Seeking Employment and Seeking Enjoyment, from Combating Loneliness to Attaining Holiness.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Spouse Questing 101 : Lesson #5 Submission to the Divine Will
You've learned your lessons well ...
Lesson #1 To Thine Own Self Be True
Lesson #2 Becoming Who You're Meant To Be
Lesson #3 Draw me a picture
Lesson #4 Shake the Trees
You've experienced the patience of Job and it's been an unreasonable time period. I was in year 8 of this process before I hit this stage. I spent 2 years on Lesson 1, and did 2, 3 & 4 simultaneously (thus the slow progress) for another 6 years. When I give warnings, I speak from whence I came.
At year 8 I started playing with fire and considered settling. How long is a healthy American girl supposed to wait??? I was wrong. It was completely wrong for me to throw away my dream. O.K. I learned about that one the hard way. But I'm still stuck, year 9 is approaching and no dream-boat.
It dawned on me. Maybe this wasn't what God wanted from me. I couldn't throw my dream away, but I did have to allow it to die and start the process of birthing a new dream. God!? WHAT DO YOU WANT?? Whatever you want, I'll do -- even if it's not what I want. I just want to be Yours completely.
It wasn't until I hit this place that I finally understood the almost decade long process I'd been through. Understanding myself was important. Becoming who God wanted me to was equally important. Deciding what I wanted from life was important. Making all reasonable efforts toward that end was important. Now, submission to God became the most important thing. I couldn't have submitted all of me if I didn't know who I was. I couldn't have given Him everything if I wasn't willing to be remade in His image. I couldn't give Him every part of my dreams if I didn't know what they were. I would be a less-than-worthy servant if I weren't willing to work for the dreams He'd placed in me. Now I needed to give all that work to Him like burning paper in a fire.
It. Was. So. Hard.
In one way it hurt more than anything had before because it was something I'd done and gained with Him. In another way, He'd given me lots of little practices along the way of submitting my will to His.
O.K. With His help I can do this. I started looking into becoming a missionary -- starting the process over again of seeing who I was in light of not being who I thought I was going to be (a wife, a mother).
It was then, that He gave me my wildest dream and I met my dream-boat. It was better (and harder) than I'd imagined possible. The last lesson in the death of a dream and completely submitting my future to God was part of the process for me. It may be part of your journey, too.
Giving up is bad - it's quitting. Giving in is bad - it's settling. Giving your dreams to God as a gift is sometimes, maybe lots of times, what He asks of us. As He's hanging there on his cross with His arms outstretched, He's asking "Do you love me like I love you?" We have to say 'yes.' He's trustworthy without yes.
Lesson #1 To Thine Own Self Be True
Lesson #2 Becoming Who You're Meant To Be
Lesson #3 Draw me a picture
Lesson #4 Shake the Trees
You've experienced the patience of Job and it's been an unreasonable time period. I was in year 8 of this process before I hit this stage. I spent 2 years on Lesson 1, and did 2, 3 & 4 simultaneously (thus the slow progress) for another 6 years. When I give warnings, I speak from whence I came.
At year 8 I started playing with fire and considered settling. How long is a healthy American girl supposed to wait??? I was wrong. It was completely wrong for me to throw away my dream. O.K. I learned about that one the hard way. But I'm still stuck, year 9 is approaching and no dream-boat.
It dawned on me. Maybe this wasn't what God wanted from me. I couldn't throw my dream away, but I did have to allow it to die and start the process of birthing a new dream. God!? WHAT DO YOU WANT?? Whatever you want, I'll do -- even if it's not what I want. I just want to be Yours completely.
It wasn't until I hit this place that I finally understood the almost decade long process I'd been through. Understanding myself was important. Becoming who God wanted me to was equally important. Deciding what I wanted from life was important. Making all reasonable efforts toward that end was important. Now, submission to God became the most important thing. I couldn't have submitted all of me if I didn't know who I was. I couldn't have given Him everything if I wasn't willing to be remade in His image. I couldn't give Him every part of my dreams if I didn't know what they were. I would be a less-than-worthy servant if I weren't willing to work for the dreams He'd placed in me. Now I needed to give all that work to Him like burning paper in a fire.
It. Was. So. Hard.
In one way it hurt more than anything had before because it was something I'd done and gained with Him. In another way, He'd given me lots of little practices along the way of submitting my will to His.
O.K. With His help I can do this. I started looking into becoming a missionary -- starting the process over again of seeing who I was in light of not being who I thought I was going to be (a wife, a mother).
It was then, that He gave me my wildest dream and I met my dream-boat. It was better (and harder) than I'd imagined possible. The last lesson in the death of a dream and completely submitting my future to God was part of the process for me. It may be part of your journey, too.
Giving up is bad - it's quitting. Giving in is bad - it's settling. Giving your dreams to God as a gift is sometimes, maybe lots of times, what He asks of us. As He's hanging there on his cross with His arms outstretched, He's asking "Do you love me like I love you?" We have to say 'yes.' He's trustworthy without yes.
Every quest ends in Him.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Spouse Questing 101 : Lesson #4 Shake the Trees
I had no qualms or misgivings that I WANTED to be married and I was seeking it actively, hungrily, like seeking employment or a place to live or new friends.
When you shake the trees, a coconut or two may fall on your head -- but you may also find the dinner you're looking for.
You've gone through the looooong process and
...you know who you are.
...you've become someone who is in a position to get what you want.
...you know what you want.
Now, you need to make it happen.
This is often a step many people jump to when still unprepared. They want to find someone fantastic, but they haven't done the work on themselves to become someone fantastic or they find someone who's a great fit for themselves, but can't hold on to them because their lack of virtues keeps them from being "marriage material."
This is also a step many people don't quite get to (and it's important). It's like paying for the car and forgetting to drive it off the lot. You and God have done all this hard work on you and you're worth having. Often, people who don't go out to make their dream happen just don't feel like their worth in obtaining it.
There is a third group of people who don't want to go out and make their dreams happen -- they want to stay home and let God bring the right person to them. This type of person is given over to prayer and is completely accepting of God's will. Please make sure you are close enough to God to accept every part of His will, even the death of your dream, with the same joyful acceptance as you would the fulfillment of it. Don't use spirituality as a cover for fear or laziness -- it won't end well. I'm not saying God is obligated to send you your dream-boat. However, you and He have prayerfully worked together toward this end and to not reach for the prize is just silly.
The first thing you should do is pray, pray, pray. Then, look around. Where are you likely to find this dream-boat you dreamed up? At a bar or at church? Should you look in the singles ads online or at CatholicMatch.com? Join a ski club if it's an activity you'd be interested in (it might have the added bonus of your dream-come-true being there).
Continue to put yourself in places and positions where you might find the kind of spouse you want - bible study, try another church within your denomination, help out a soup kitchen, etc. When you have an attitude of openness to meet new people and try new experiences, you're going to have the body language and social skills that enable you to be an approachable person. Don't forget to pray, pray, pray, pray, pray.
At this stage of the game, it's vital that you don't slip into one of the world's lies - that who you and God have helped you become isn't enough. You don't need to dress immodestly or throw yourself at someone. You're not less-than because you haven't found the right person, yet. You don't want to loose your identity and allow your behavior or choices to undermine who you've become. Don't settle for anything less than the complete fulfillment of your dream.
When you shake the trees, a coconut or two may fall on your head -- but you may also find the dinner you're looking for.
You've gone through the looooong process and
...you know who you are.
...you've become someone who is in a position to get what you want.
...you know what you want.
Now, you need to make it happen.
This is often a step many people jump to when still unprepared. They want to find someone fantastic, but they haven't done the work on themselves to become someone fantastic or they find someone who's a great fit for themselves, but can't hold on to them because their lack of virtues keeps them from being "marriage material."
This is also a step many people don't quite get to (and it's important). It's like paying for the car and forgetting to drive it off the lot. You and God have done all this hard work on you and you're worth having. Often, people who don't go out to make their dream happen just don't feel like their worth in obtaining it.
There is a third group of people who don't want to go out and make their dreams happen -- they want to stay home and let God bring the right person to them. This type of person is given over to prayer and is completely accepting of God's will. Please make sure you are close enough to God to accept every part of His will, even the death of your dream, with the same joyful acceptance as you would the fulfillment of it. Don't use spirituality as a cover for fear or laziness -- it won't end well. I'm not saying God is obligated to send you your dream-boat. However, you and He have prayerfully worked together toward this end and to not reach for the prize is just silly.
The first thing you should do is pray, pray, pray. Then, look around. Where are you likely to find this dream-boat you dreamed up? At a bar or at church? Should you look in the singles ads online or at CatholicMatch.com? Join a ski club if it's an activity you'd be interested in (it might have the added bonus of your dream-come-true being there).
Continue to put yourself in places and positions where you might find the kind of spouse you want - bible study, try another church within your denomination, help out a soup kitchen, etc. When you have an attitude of openness to meet new people and try new experiences, you're going to have the body language and social skills that enable you to be an approachable person. Don't forget to pray, pray, pray, pray, pray.
At this stage of the game, it's vital that you don't slip into one of the world's lies - that who you and God have helped you become isn't enough. You don't need to dress immodestly or throw yourself at someone. You're not less-than because you haven't found the right person, yet. You don't want to loose your identity and allow your behavior or choices to undermine who you've become. Don't settle for anything less than the complete fulfillment of your dream.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Spouse Questing 101 : Lesson #3 Draw me a picture
I read Should I Marry Him? and thought it was an excellent article on the topic.
When I was looking for a husband I had a picture in my mind of what sort of man he needed to be. It was a list of what I wanted/needed in a man. I was looking for an overall well balanced human being and I had the list divided into categories that deal with his whole person : mind, spirit, physical & future - this is a random order. Even while I was dating, the priorities on this list sort of jockeyed back and forth for top position -- none on the list was expendable:
Spiritual
#1 Job - Pray. Know yourself well enough to know what you want. Pray.
#2 Job - Pray. Draw a picture of what your ideal spouse would look like. Put it on paper. Read it over. Look for those same characteristics in your dad, uncle, best guy friend. Pray. If you find a characteristic you want in your husband, add it to the list. Tape to your bedroom wall. Pray.
When I was looking for a husband I had a picture in my mind of what sort of man he needed to be. It was a list of what I wanted/needed in a man. I was looking for an overall well balanced human being and I had the list divided into categories that deal with his whole person : mind, spirit, physical & future - this is a random order. Even while I was dating, the priorities on this list sort of jockeyed back and forth for top position -- none on the list was expendable:
Spiritual
- Fidelity - he had to be someone that wouldn't go out on me and cheat. I didn't want to be ANYONE's sloppy seconds. I was worth more than that.
- Character Virtues - like honesty, integrity, etc. It's nothing you can train a man to have -- either he comes to you with a solid character or he's not worth having. His parents either did a good job in this area or they didn't.
- Have a relationship with Christ - This was really important and often showed itself by having the above virtues. I looked for fruit of this in their lives like compassion, maturity, and balance in their reactions to stressful situations. As I personally grew in my Catholic faith, this evolved into wanting a Christ-centered Catholic husband. After dating some very nice men from different denominations, I knew the world-view differences could tear us apart and I needed someone who at the minimum would be willing to convert.
- Intelligent - I really wanted someone who was smart enough to look up to. What was inside his mind was as attractive to me, if not more attractive, than how he looked. He didn't have to be 'book-smart', he could be fabulous with fixing things or a math-whiz, but an area he'd tilled the soil of his mind to become someone who excelled.
- Common Sense -- I wanted to be secure in relying on his judgment, particularly in areas that I'm weaker.
- Secure Self-Identity -- I wanted a man who knew who he was. It's hard to respect someone who doesn't have a good self-identity (you can feel sorry for them, but not respect them). I also wanted someone who was confident enough in himself, to allow me to be myself. If I decided to start a business, go back to school, take up para-sailing or painting, I didn't want a husband who was too insecure to allow me to follow my dreams -- even the ones I hadn't started to dream yet. Plus, I have a VERY strong personality and I wanted someone who could hold their own with me. I didn't want a puppet, but a man.
- Be madly into ME -- I didn't want someone who was in love with love -or- didn't respect my boundaries -or- just wanted to talk about himself...but someone who thought the sun rose and set on ME and wanted to make ME happy more than he wanted to please himself.
- Treat me like a Princess - I wanted a knight who valued my dignity and treated me with kid gloves. I knew that, as a helpmate & a nurturer, it's easy for a woman to be taken for granted. Even while that's bound to happen, I wanted a man who would be looking out for my best interest - looking for my better-self, not just use me. Using isn't relegated to the physical, but things like watching what I wanted on TV or deferring to my wishes in multiple situations. *ALSO* this category was vital to the safety of myself and my future daughters. A man, no matter his stature, is stronger than a woman. An angry man is really, really, really strong. They are potentially very dangerous. I wanted a man who could keep his anger in check, no matter how mad I made him.
- Hard Worker - I explain this under "Looking to the Future".
- Perfect kissing height - I'm 5'6", so to stand with feet firmly planted (not on tip toe) and have to tip my head back in a comfortable position, he needed to be about 5'10. [at the time I didn't realize how much our kissing would be when one of us is sitting down and the other is leaving the room]
- Hard Worker - Even if we didn't accumulate financially, (which would be nice but wasn't top on my list), I wanted someone who wasn't lazy. I'd seen fun, lazy dads who allowed their children to suffer from want of something and who didn't go get a second job, go back to school, or do whatever it took to care for their family. I wanted a dad who would provide for his family.
- Nurturing - I was NOT just looking for a husband. I was choosing a father for the 5 or 6 kids I wanted to have. The example of a dad for a boy who will eventually become a man is immeasurable - he needs a model to know HOW to become a man. The gentleness and attention a girl needs from her daddy to become confident and secure can not be replaced by anything else.
I studied a prospective mate like I was going to have to take a test on him. I am/was a child of divorce and knew the devastating consequences of failing this test. I wasn't willing to put any sweet baby God gave me through the pain of being ripped limb from limb that divorce brings with it.
I didn't go into this process thinking I could change a man. A man is a man, and is often an immovable object. They will change, as will you, but not in ways that can be foreseen or manipulated, even by the best of intentions. I'd seen very very sorrowful women try to change the men in their lives and it left them with regret.
I didn't go into this process thinking I could change a man. A man is a man, and is often an immovable object. They will change, as will you, but not in ways that can be foreseen or manipulated, even by the best of intentions. I'd seen very very sorrowful women try to change the men in their lives and it left them with regret.
After you've made your list - read this article by Elizabeth Foss. Balance and competing advice from another loving Catholic mom all help you mature and see the world in all its complexity.
#1 Job - Pray. Know yourself well enough to know what you want. Pray.
#2 Job - Pray. Draw a picture of what your ideal spouse would look like. Put it on paper. Read it over. Look for those same characteristics in your dad, uncle, best guy friend. Pray. If you find a characteristic you want in your husband, add it to the list. Tape to your bedroom wall. Pray.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Spouse Questing 101 : Lesson #2 Becoming Who You're Meant To Be
If you want to marry someone worth having, you have to become a person worth having by someone who is that spectacular. Do you have healthy habits that contribute to becoming a wonderful person or that hinder the process?
After a spending a year or two learning Lesson #1 To Thine Own Self Be True, I found that making myself happy wasn't the end of the road. In dreaming my own dreams, I discovered that who I was in the present wasn't living up to who I wanted to be.
My question changed from 'what will make my parents/teachers happy' past through 'what will make me happy?' and transformed into 'How would the person I want to become handle this?'
To even begin to answer the last question, I had to go further up and further in, do some more deep sea diving and soul searching to find out who it was I wanted to become. Explore who you might become. Do things you haven't tried before. Don't do anything illegal or immoral or stupid, but something exciting and different. What would that be?
Is there a movie or book character you admire? What do you like about him : courage? lack of fear? perseverance? joy? confidence? What about someone from history or someone in your own life -- who do you admire and why? Are you a person with those attributes and virtues?
If you don't like what you see in yourself, change it. Our world tells lies, like 'people can't change'. George Washington took a good look at himself and the people around him, wrote down all the attributes he'd like to have - and became them. He's now known as the Father of our Country.
Do you want the good news or the bad news first? The bad news : This leg of the journey can be painful. To let go of childish ways and live as a mature adult in Christ with all the virtues and balance associated with it requires self-control and pounds and pounds of grace. The good news : Christ has an ocean of grace just waiting for us to ask for it. Also, self-discipline/self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit -- just living in a relationship with God (talking to Him, asking His advice, taking His advice, sharing our hurts with Him) opens our soul to bear the fruits of God.
If you think you need it, go to a good Christian Counselor (look for a counselor who comes highly recommended by someone who you think has it all together).
This lesson is more than just a psychological state of mind. If you are a man wanting a wife, you need to be prepared to support the family that comes with the 'fun' parts of marriage. You can't rely on the ability to finish school later or that your family or parents will get you through tough times. To prove yourself able to be marriage material is making a living before you start looking for a wife. By the same token, to look for a husband before you know how to cook a meal, take care of yourself, or are emotionally & spiritually willing and able to set your wants and needs aside for every other person in your family is irresponsible. I'm not saying younger marriages are wrong, that it's impossible for parents to help their married children, or that you have to be accomplished in every area of life before getting married. But part of being a mature Christian is bearing up under the weight of responsibility of your choices. Marriage is a big decision and shouldn't be made quickly or lightly before you've assessed if you're ready.
Becoming who God made you to be is worth the effort. He has a beautiful plan for you and He can be trusted.
Don't believe the lies.
After a spending a year or two learning Lesson #1 To Thine Own Self Be True, I found that making myself happy wasn't the end of the road. In dreaming my own dreams, I discovered that who I was in the present wasn't living up to who I wanted to be.
My question changed from 'what will make my parents/teachers happy' past through 'what will make me happy?' and transformed into 'How would the person I want to become handle this?'
To even begin to answer the last question, I had to go further up and further in, do some more deep sea diving and soul searching to find out who it was I wanted to become. Explore who you might become. Do things you haven't tried before. Don't do anything illegal or immoral or stupid, but something exciting and different. What would that be?
Is there a movie or book character you admire? What do you like about him : courage? lack of fear? perseverance? joy? confidence? What about someone from history or someone in your own life -- who do you admire and why? Are you a person with those attributes and virtues?
If you don't like what you see in yourself, change it. Our world tells lies, like 'people can't change'. George Washington took a good look at himself and the people around him, wrote down all the attributes he'd like to have - and became them. He's now known as the Father of our Country.
Do you want the good news or the bad news first? The bad news : This leg of the journey can be painful. To let go of childish ways and live as a mature adult in Christ with all the virtues and balance associated with it requires self-control and pounds and pounds of grace. The good news : Christ has an ocean of grace just waiting for us to ask for it. Also, self-discipline/self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit -- just living in a relationship with God (talking to Him, asking His advice, taking His advice, sharing our hurts with Him) opens our soul to bear the fruits of God.
If you think you need it, go to a good Christian Counselor (look for a counselor who comes highly recommended by someone who you think has it all together).
This lesson is more than just a psychological state of mind. If you are a man wanting a wife, you need to be prepared to support the family that comes with the 'fun' parts of marriage. You can't rely on the ability to finish school later or that your family or parents will get you through tough times. To prove yourself able to be marriage material is making a living before you start looking for a wife. By the same token, to look for a husband before you know how to cook a meal, take care of yourself, or are emotionally & spiritually willing and able to set your wants and needs aside for every other person in your family is irresponsible. I'm not saying younger marriages are wrong, that it's impossible for parents to help their married children, or that you have to be accomplished in every area of life before getting married. But part of being a mature Christian is bearing up under the weight of responsibility of your choices. Marriage is a big decision and shouldn't be made quickly or lightly before you've assessed if you're ready.
Becoming who God made you to be is worth the effort. He has a beautiful plan for you and He can be trusted.
Don't believe the lies.
- I could never get someone that great
- No one decent would want to care for me
- People don't change
- I could never become that kind of a person (successful, wise, holy)
- I am worth loving.
- God wants me to embrace His plan for me. [He planned it and He placed it in my heart. Who am I to reject the Creator of the Universe?]
- No one will treat me better than I treat myself. [This isn't about indulging yourself, but taking good care of yourself.]
- Even if it looks impossible, God will help me. [This process can take years. Don't be daunted. The years will slip by no matter what. It would be a shame if you still didn't know yourself.]
- This task is hard -- but hard work never hurt anyone.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Spouse Questing 101 : Lesson #1 To Thine Own Self Be True
Some of my children are old enough to start looking around at the world (and their future) and asking questions. Here are some answers to questions they've asked (and haven't asked).
Lesson #1 - Know yourself well enough to know what you want. If you don't know who you are, you're bound to make massive mistakes in choosing a spouse.
Learn about yourself. Write letters to yourself -- what do you want to say? Is your self-talk negative? Are you the person you wish you were? Who is the person you wish you were? Talk to healthy friends and ask them what you're like - have them describe you in phrases or single words. Are you really that person they think you are? What would your enemies or people who don't like you say? Are you really that person they think you are?
Do you feel free to dream your own dreams of yourself? If not, why not? What is standing in your way? What are the dreams? Don't worry if they're attainable, worry if you throw them away without trying for them. Is that everything you want to be? God has a plan for you, are you fulfilling it?
What about the relationships in your life -- are you truly happy (or just settling for what comes) with the way people treat you? You know you have to teach people how to treat you. What about the way you treat them? What goes around comes around (meaning you can't expect to have good friends until you ARE a good friend.)
When I was a teenager, Hamlet was required reading for English class. Even though the guy giving the advice wasn't worthy of respect, his advice was.
I read it. I let it become part of me. I recited it to myself during trying & unsure times. God made me with His plan for my life and He holds me with a dignity that I have to imitate in the way I treat myself.
My questions changed from 'what will make my parents/teachers happy' to 'what will make me happy?' Not the indulgence eating-a-pound-of-chocolate happy, but the healthy eating-a-balanced-diet-and-training-for-a-marathon-and-winning kind of happy. I was looking for the deep down genuinely proud-of-myself-for-accomplishing-what-I-wasn't-sure-I-could happy. The I-can-look-myself-in-the-mirror kind of happy. The I'd-be-thrilled-to-include-my-younger-siblings-and-grandparents-in-my-behavior kind of happy.
You may have to do some deep sea diving - literally and figuratively. Literally, if the person you want to be lives on the ocean and you live in the land-locked Midwest, do things to start to explore that part of yourself and see if that's who you really are. Figuratively, you may have to do some exploring inside of yourself to see who you really are. Dream some dreams for yourself an then act on a few to explore a side of you that even you didn't know about. Do you love to look at artwork? Pick up a brush and paint and see if that's who you are. Do you thrill at the way a horse runs through a field? Call several stables and see if they'll exchange your free labor for riding lessons. Do you miss the way the wind used to blow past your face when you were little on the swing set? Take up running and see if you're not more capable than you expected.
Once you find you have a knack, don't let someone else define what you're capable of doing with it. You can ask for healthy advice, but this is about your dreams for yourself. *AND* be careful with your dreams. Protect them. This is an application for the bible verse about not throwing your pearls before swine. If there is a dream killer in your life (or several), nurture your dreams within yourself and explore them a bit on your own so they've taken root and are healthy & growing inside your mind, before you share them with someone who may be a dream killer. Some of your dreams are just fanciful wishes. But some are dreams that God has dreamed just for you and placed in your mind. Nurture them and protect them before you expose them to the elements.
This activity of knowing yourself and exploring who God made you to be can take some time. I spent 1-2 years actively learning how to apply 'To Thine Own Self Be True" in many situations so I could lovingly "not then be false to any man." Stay here a while. Who are you? What are your dreams? Are you happy with the relationships & experiences in your life?
If you're not sure of the answer to any of the many questions above; ask Him -- He knows you better than you know yourself. And you're worth knowing. So get to know yourself -- well.
Lesson #1 - Know yourself well enough to know what you want. If you don't know who you are, you're bound to make massive mistakes in choosing a spouse.
Learn about yourself. Write letters to yourself -- what do you want to say? Is your self-talk negative? Are you the person you wish you were? Who is the person you wish you were? Talk to healthy friends and ask them what you're like - have them describe you in phrases or single words. Are you really that person they think you are? What would your enemies or people who don't like you say? Are you really that person they think you are?
Do you feel free to dream your own dreams of yourself? If not, why not? What is standing in your way? What are the dreams? Don't worry if they're attainable, worry if you throw them away without trying for them. Is that everything you want to be? God has a plan for you, are you fulfilling it?
What about the relationships in your life -- are you truly happy (or just settling for what comes) with the way people treat you? You know you have to teach people how to treat you. What about the way you treat them? What goes around comes around (meaning you can't expect to have good friends until you ARE a good friend.)
When I was a teenager, Hamlet was required reading for English class. Even though the guy giving the advice wasn't worthy of respect, his advice was.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
My questions changed from 'what will make my parents/teachers happy' to 'what will make me happy?' Not the indulgence eating-a-pound-of-chocolate happy, but the healthy eating-a-balanced-diet-and-training-for-a-marathon-and-winning kind of happy. I was looking for the deep down genuinely proud-of-myself-for-accomplishing-what-I-wasn't-sure-I-could happy. The I-can-look-myself-in-the-mirror kind of happy. The I'd-be-thrilled-to-include-my-younger-siblings-and-grandparents-in-my-behavior kind of happy.
You may have to do some deep sea diving - literally and figuratively. Literally, if the person you want to be lives on the ocean and you live in the land-locked Midwest, do things to start to explore that part of yourself and see if that's who you really are. Figuratively, you may have to do some exploring inside of yourself to see who you really are. Dream some dreams for yourself an then act on a few to explore a side of you that even you didn't know about. Do you love to look at artwork? Pick up a brush and paint and see if that's who you are. Do you thrill at the way a horse runs through a field? Call several stables and see if they'll exchange your free labor for riding lessons. Do you miss the way the wind used to blow past your face when you were little on the swing set? Take up running and see if you're not more capable than you expected.
Once you find you have a knack, don't let someone else define what you're capable of doing with it. You can ask for healthy advice, but this is about your dreams for yourself. *AND* be careful with your dreams. Protect them. This is an application for the bible verse about not throwing your pearls before swine. If there is a dream killer in your life (or several), nurture your dreams within yourself and explore them a bit on your own so they've taken root and are healthy & growing inside your mind, before you share them with someone who may be a dream killer. Some of your dreams are just fanciful wishes. But some are dreams that God has dreamed just for you and placed in your mind. Nurture them and protect them before you expose them to the elements.
This activity of knowing yourself and exploring who God made you to be can take some time. I spent 1-2 years actively learning how to apply 'To Thine Own Self Be True" in many situations so I could lovingly "not then be false to any man." Stay here a while. Who are you? What are your dreams? Are you happy with the relationships & experiences in your life?
If you're not sure of the answer to any of the many questions above; ask Him -- He knows you better than you know yourself. And you're worth knowing. So get to know yourself -- well.
Friday, February 04, 2011
Dave's response to the Journal Gazette abortion editorial
Bishop Rhoades responded in the Journal Gazette to a recent editorial about abortion. http://www.journalgazette.net/article/20110204/EDIT05/302049994/1021/EDIT
Dave responded to the same editorial below :
Dear Editor,
Your January 26 editorial, “A back-alley reminder,” made the common assertion, “[w]hen safe, legal abortions are no longer available, the horrific back-alley abortions that preceded Roe v. Wade will return.” The editorial staff appears to have fallen prey to and, perhaps unintentionally, perpetuates the lies of the early abortion movement, specifically the myths regarding back-alley abortions.
The co-founder of NARAL, Dr. Bernard Nathanson, now freely confesses that his group’s members lied to gain media attention. “We simply fabricated the results of fictional polls” he stated. “We announced to the media that we had taken polls and that 60 percent of Americans were in favor of permissive abortion…We aroused enough sympathy to sell our program of permissive abortion by fabricating the number of illegal abortions done annually in the U.S. The actual figure was approaching 100,000 but the figure we gave to the media repeatedly was 1,000,000.”
Dr. Nathanson has acknowledged that leaders of the early movement grossly exaggerated claims about women dying in back-alley abortions, that the vast majority of abortions performed prior to 1973 were not done with coat hangers in back alleys, as abortion activists frequently insist. Rather, they were done by unscrupulous doctors who couldn’t make a legitimate living. Nevertheless, NARAL's lies continued. He explained,
"Repeating the big lie often enough convinces the public. [Prior to Roe v. Wade] the number of women dying from illegal abortions was around 200-250 annually. The figure we constantly fed to the media was 10,000. These false figures took root in the consciousness of Americans, convincing many that we needed to crack the abortion law. "
The abortion debate has suffered with enough hyperbole. We must insist that both sides back up emotionally charged statements with facts. Future generations deserve no less.
Sources:
Confession of Bernard Nathanson, MD - http://www.aboutabortions.com/Confess.html
Wikipedia - Bernard Nathanson - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernard_Nathanson
NARAL & Dr. Bernard Nathanson - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-FpJMq_gAY
Respectfully submitted,
David A. MacDonaldMonday, June 21, 2010
For the Fish Lover in your house
Do you have a fish lover in your house? Dave loves his 55 gallon aquarium. He's always looking for a new place to keep fish. I saw this and thought of him. 
For only $225 (+ s&h) I can give him the Fish 'n Flush.
Dave's comment :
For only $225 (+ s&h) I can give him the Fish 'n Flush.
Dave's comment :
Let’s not….
But it would make it easier to dispose of them in the end.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
This has nothing to do with homeschooling
It is one of Dave's pet peeves and something he knows something about. He sent me this note and article:
This is one of the better explanations of health insurance company profits I've seen. Most would consider the trend of 3-7% annual profits reasonable, hardly "excessive." Consider these 2008 profit margins of a few companies:
Revenues ($millions) Profits ($millions) % Profit in 2008
Gannett $7,481 $1056 14.1%
WaltDisney $35,882. $4,687 13.1%
Time/Warner $46,615. $4,387 9.4%
Starbucks $9,412. $673 7.2%
Aetna $27,599. $1,831 6.6%
Wellpointe $61,134. $3,345 5.4%
Humana $25,290. $883 3.4%
(Source: Forbes 500: http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune500/2008/full_list/201_300.html)
Unfortunately, an entire industry and good people are being demonized by others for political gain. More unfortunate, the majority of Americans don't have a clue.
Please read - Insurance Companies and The Profit Myth Friday, September 18, 2009
This is one of the better explanations of health insurance company profits I've seen. Most would consider the trend of 3-7% annual profits reasonable, hardly "excessive." Consider these 2008 profit margins of a few companies:
Revenues ($millions) Profits ($millions) % Profit in 2008
Gannett $7,481 $1056 14.1%
WaltDisney $35,882. $4,687 13.1%
Time/Warner $46,615. $4,387 9.4%
Starbucks $9,412. $673 7.2%
Aetna $27,599. $1,831 6.6%
Wellpointe $61,134. $3,345 5.4%
Humana $25,290. $883 3.4%
(Source: Forbes 500: http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune500/2008/full_list/201_300.html)
Unfortunately, an entire industry and good people are being demonized by others for political gain. More unfortunate, the majority of Americans don't have a clue.
Please read - Insurance Companies and The Profit Myth Friday, September 18, 2009
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Couples' Night Out
Don't know what to do on a couples' night out?
Try a stress reliever - a shooting range!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Happy Birthday to Dave
Dave is...
...SMART! (That's what attracted him to me in the first place -- well, his dimple helped, too.)
...42 today! Happy Birthday, Dave!
...creative and notices creativity in other people.
...well-rounded. He plays piano, designs websites, designs landscapes beautifully, plays trumpet, plays practice-chanter (he started learning the bagpipes, but then he had 5 kids and that slowed him down, some.)
...funny -- he's either making me mad by joking about something, or making me laugh or some combination of the two. He's also the life of the party and our friends always ask for him to join us in a game (even though he doesn't enjoy playing games he makes sure everyone else enjoys themselves.)
...generous (sometimes to a fault and shows the children mercy when I'm waiting for justice.)
...intuitive (I'm not saying he understands girl-nature, but he tries)
...a very hard worker.
...reliable (not a romantic-sounding quality, but a wonderful one when a girl runs out of gas on a regular basis and needs to call someone to come rescue her.)
...W*O*N*D*E*R*F*U*L!!
...SMART! (That's what attracted him to me in the first place -- well, his dimple helped, too.)
...42 today! Happy Birthday, Dave!
...creative and notices creativity in other people.
...well-rounded. He plays piano, designs websites, designs landscapes beautifully, plays trumpet, plays practice-chanter (he started learning the bagpipes, but then he had 5 kids and that slowed him down, some.)
...funny -- he's either making me mad by joking about something, or making me laugh or some combination of the two. He's also the life of the party and our friends always ask for him to join us in a game (even though he doesn't enjoy playing games he makes sure everyone else enjoys themselves.)
...generous (sometimes to a fault and shows the children mercy when I'm waiting for justice.)
...intuitive (I'm not saying he understands girl-nature, but he tries)
...a very hard worker.
...reliable (not a romantic-sounding quality, but a wonderful one when a girl runs out of gas on a regular basis and needs to call someone to come rescue her.)
...W*O*N*D*E*R*F*U*L!!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Bourbon Street Hideaway
Dave called me last week and asked me if I'd like to go on a date that night.
It was AWESOME! It was expensive. We didn't have an appetizer, but did each have a cocktail and we split a desert -- the bill ended up being around $70. It was something we almost never do. We both loved it.
It was a like a taste explosion in my mouth! I don't like fancy food and I don't particularly like spicy food -- but this was FANTASTIC! Definately out of the norm and wonderful!
Here are some REAL reviews, if you'd like to consider it further :
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Meme of My Guy
Fun little meme I picked up from Amy. This is all about Dave - he hardly ever gets attention.
1. He’s sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? CSI or Law & Order
2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Bue-cheese, just like me.
3. What’s one food he doesn’t like? COOKED CARROTS!
4. You go out to the bar. What does he order? Guiness or some clear alchol that might begin with an 'S'? I think it's Russian.
5. Where did he go to high school? Snider
6. What size shoe does he wear? I have no idea. He and I have very different tastes and one year I bought him 3 sweaters for Christmas and he didn't really like any of them. I swore off buying him any clothing item after that.
7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? Tools? Gardening Books? Computer Programs? He's more of a purger than a collector.
8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? Reuben
9. What would he eat every day if he could? Spicy Raemen Noodles - and he does eat them almost every day.
10. What is his favorite cereal? He's not a breakfast guy
11. What would he never wear? Tie-Dye. He's breaking out of his straight-laced exterior. There was a time he wouldn't wear open-toed sandles or pastel...he's getting more wild in his old age.
12. What is his favorite sports team? Notre Dame
13. Who did he vote for? Everyone who is pro-life.
14. Who is his best friend? Me. Definately. (Poor Guy.)
15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do? He'd prefer I spent less time socializing and more time cleaning.
16. How many states has he lived in? Details, details...this is the type of thing that Dave keeps in mind and I have no clue about...Three: Illinois, Kansas, and Indiana (I think?)
17. What is his heritage? Scottish
18. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what would it be? Dark chocolate. But he'd prefer a blueberry pie.
19. Did he play sports in high school? Nope - he played trumpet in the band.
20. What could he spend hours doing? Playing on the computer, and he does (except that he calls is WORKING.)
21. What’s something cool about him? Just one?
1. He’s sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? CSI or Law & Order
2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Bue-cheese, just like me.
3. What’s one food he doesn’t like? COOKED CARROTS!
4. You go out to the bar. What does he order? Guiness or some clear alchol that might begin with an 'S'? I think it's Russian.
5. Where did he go to high school? Snider
6. What size shoe does he wear? I have no idea. He and I have very different tastes and one year I bought him 3 sweaters for Christmas and he didn't really like any of them. I swore off buying him any clothing item after that.
7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? Tools? Gardening Books? Computer Programs? He's more of a purger than a collector.
8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? Reuben
9. What would he eat every day if he could? Spicy Raemen Noodles - and he does eat them almost every day.
10. What is his favorite cereal? He's not a breakfast guy
11. What would he never wear? Tie-Dye. He's breaking out of his straight-laced exterior. There was a time he wouldn't wear open-toed sandles or pastel...he's getting more wild in his old age.
12. What is his favorite sports team? Notre Dame
13. Who did he vote for? Everyone who is pro-life.
14. Who is his best friend? Me. Definately. (Poor Guy.)
15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do? He'd prefer I spent less time socializing and more time cleaning.
16. How many states has he lived in? Details, details...this is the type of thing that Dave keeps in mind and I have no clue about...Three: Illinois, Kansas, and Indiana (I think?)
17. What is his heritage? Scottish
18. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what would it be? Dark chocolate. But he'd prefer a blueberry pie.
19. Did he play sports in high school? Nope - he played trumpet in the band.
20. What could he spend hours doing? Playing on the computer, and he does (except that he calls is WORKING.)
21. What’s something cool about him? Just one?
- He's the music and the laughter in our house.
- Without him, we wouldn't have nearly as much fun or joy.
- He'll do anything (even incurring my wrath) to make the kids laugh.
- He's also a FABULOUS father. God chose a GREAT GUY for us.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Embarassing things kids do...
Ds#4 took a picture of Dave's rear end while he was leaning over the fireplace fixing something. Dave made me promise I wouldn't post it on my blog. Here is the next picture of Dave taking the camera away from Ds#4. This is the kind of lofty events that happen at our house.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Quote of the Day
NONE of the kids did their schoolwork. I went from room to room with a screaming, fussy baby to find child after child NOT doing their school. By the time I got the other 3 kids re-started on school, I'd go to the first room to find the 1st kid NOT doing school. They didn't do their chores. They just got in trouble all day. I was a mess by the end of the day.
Dave
Dave
"How was your day?"Jenn
"The house didn't catch on fire."That was about as good as it got today.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Happy Husbands
The saying goes, "If Mama aint happy, aint nobody happy." That is VERY true in our house. However the same goes for Daddy. I had a mother who beat her husband up verbally at every opportunity. They are no longer married. It's just not worth it to me to have temper-tantrums - there are consequences. That thing about "the two shall become one" is soooooo true (whether we quite understand it or agree with it at times or not). So, if I hurt him, it ultimately hurts me.
Amy and I had a great conversation that she relates on her blog. While I fall far short of her goal (which I can tell you from experience that she accomplishes that goal!!), I try to be very fair when talking about my husband. My darling husband told me early in our marriage that he had a hard time finding good friends because so many men spoke so poorly of their women. He wasn't interested in being friends with a guy who had so little respect for his life's-partner. The truth is that Dave's better about it than I am. I do try very hard to be fair, but am so impressed by Amy that I have to take another look at my goals. I never wanted to put my husband down, but doesn't a great guy like Dave deserve a goal higher than a wife who tries to be "not awful."
Amy and I had a great conversation that she relates on her blog. While I fall far short of her goal (which I can tell you from experience that she accomplishes that goal!!), I try to be very fair when talking about my husband. My darling husband told me early in our marriage that he had a hard time finding good friends because so many men spoke so poorly of their women. He wasn't interested in being friends with a guy who had so little respect for his life's-partner. The truth is that Dave's better about it than I am. I do try very hard to be fair, but am so impressed by Amy that I have to take another look at my goals. I never wanted to put my husband down, but doesn't a great guy like Dave deserve a goal higher than a wife who tries to be "not awful."
Monday, December 03, 2007
God is good (and I'm tired)
People who have been asking how things are going -- the title of this entry pretty much sums it up.
- The baby's circumcision is healing beautifully, thank you for your prayers. God is good.
- Dave got out the Christmas decorations and said he has no expectations of me to help unless I want to. God is good.
- No sign of yeast in me or baby. God is good.
- For Dd#2's 10th B-day - Dave brought home flowers, his mom had all the girl cousins for a sleep-over, and my sister took her shopping to make this year special for her when I didn't have the energy to. God is good.
- Ds#3's First Reconciliation is comming up this week - what a beautiful passage into being one of the "big kids". God is good.
- Dd#1, who wasn't particularly excited about the baby, has been making a sincere effort to help with him and it's been paying off. Meanwhile, several of her friends have been making an effort so that she can get out and have "big girl" fun...and it's been paying off. God is good.
- My milk supply seems to be evening out. While I still have plugged ducts and sleep & I are having love/hate issues, things are "functional" (which is as much as I can expect --although I am looking forward to the day when I have more energy.) God is good.
- Dave has been as gentle and considerate and loving as he could possibly be with me. God is good.
- The girls were spontaneously invited to be picked up by friends and taken to the Geography Bee (something I've wanted them in but couldn't quite make it happen). God is good.
- Friends have been showering us with meals and other items. God is good.
Friday, August 24, 2007
The laundry...
I would like to publicly announce I no longer have clothes baskets of clean clothes sitting around our family room. My husband got sick of it quicker than I got the energy and he spent the evening folding what must have been 20 loads of laundry this week. I really like husbands like him...
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