Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Spouse Questing 101 : Lesson #5 Submission to the Divine Will

You've learned your lessons well ...
Lesson #1 To Thine Own Self Be True

Lesson #2 Becoming Who You're Meant To Be
Lesson #3 Draw me a picture

Lesson #4 Shake the Trees

You've experienced the patience of Job and it's been an unreasonable time period. I was in year 8 of this process before I hit this stage. I spent 2 years on Lesson 1, and did 2, 3 & 4 simultaneously (thus the slow progress) for another 6 years. When I give warnings, I speak from whence I came.

At year 8 I started playing with fire and considered settling. How long is a healthy American girl supposed to wait??? I was wrong. It was completely wrong for me to throw away my dream. O.K. I learned about that one the hard way. But I'm still stuck, year 9 is approaching and no dream-boat.

It dawned on me. Maybe this wasn't what God wanted from me. I couldn't throw my dream away, but I did have to allow it to die and start the process of birthing a new dream. God!? WHAT DO YOU WANT?? Whatever you want, I'll do -- even if it's not what I want. I just want to be Yours completely.

It wasn't until I hit this place that I finally understood the almost decade long process I'd been through. Understanding myself was important. Becoming who God wanted me to was equally important. Deciding what I wanted from life was important. Making all reasonable efforts toward that end was important. Now, submission to God became the most important thing. I couldn't have submitted all of me if I didn't know who I was. I couldn't have given Him everything if I wasn't willing to be remade in His image. I couldn't give Him every part of my dreams if I didn't know what they were. I would be a less-than-worthy servant if I weren't willing to work for the dreams He'd placed in me. Now I needed to give all that work to Him like burning paper in a fire.
It. Was. So. Hard.
In one way it hurt more than anything had before because it was something I'd done and gained with Him. In another way, He'd given me lots of little practices along the way of submitting my will to His.
O.K. With His help I can do this. I started looking into becoming a missionary -- starting the process over again of seeing who I was in light of not being who I thought I was going to be (a wife, a mother).

It was then, that He gave me my wildest dream and I met my dream-boat. It was better (and harder) than I'd imagined possible. The last lesson in the death of a dream and completely submitting my future to God was part of the process for me. It may be part of your journey, too.

Giving up is bad - it's quitting. Giving in is bad - it's settling. Giving your dreams to God as a gift is sometimes, maybe lots of times, what He asks of us. As He's hanging there on his cross with His arms outstretched, He's asking "Do you love me like I love you?" We have to say 'yes.' He's trustworthy without yes.

Every quest ends in Him.

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