How can I homeschool when.... my kids don't listen to me?

Q: What if my children don't "listen" to me in terms of school?? Goodness, today was such a whine-filled day that I thought, "How in the world am I going to guide their education when DD throws a fit if I ask her to put away her shoes??" I get these panicky moments of fear in which I imagine my children grousing about the house with me alternately yelling and pleading with them to finish their work...Or does this in fact happen and it's OK because the good days outweigh the bad??


A: My favorite resource is "You're a Better Parent Than You Think" by Dr. Ray Guarendi. His books are so down-to-earth and funny that I always feel empowered after reading him. I also like “Disciple That Lasts a Lifetime” which is just common sense and easy to implement.

I've also found that my kids, eventually, actually behave better during school time than non-school time.

• They know our routine and what to expect next. Along with this goes the understanding that giving directions and communicating expectations to children is an art in itself and something that needs worked on regularly – for sure I need to work on it all the time.


• They know they'll be busy and engaged. I do not promise big-time fun. I try to make the learning enJOYable, but learning can be hard work. They will enjoy it if they choose to. Some kids just like something to whine about and nothing will ever be perfect.


• They know they'll be getting alot of attention from me. Unless of course, they’re in time-out in their room, which also happens a lot at our school.


• They know that a good school day is often rewarded with "family time" (games, read-alouds,etc.) A bad day is rewarded by…NOT family time.


• I also insist on more discipline during school time (I'm a slacker-mom during non school time). The kids know that "we're doing school" is a very concrete change from regular life and consequences for negative behavior are swift & sure.

You have to take your child into account in everything you do. Some children coming home to school may need a firmer hand and more consistent discipline than they got in school. I know I couldn’t consistently discipline 28 kids for 6 hours a day – nor would I want to!! At home, you can tailor the consequences to your child. What is most affective for one child (taking away sweets) would be a joke to another child (who couldn’t live without piano). You know your child. You can get to know them better as you school together. One of my children needed a gentle and sensitive spirit upon coming home to school so she felt re-empowered to accomplish what she thought she was bad at. One child may need taught that doing poorly in so-and-so class doesn’t define you – nor does what what’s-her-face said on the playground.

Along with the pep-talk of "you can do this", is the revelation that I am a ROTTEN disciplinarian when I'm pregnant, overcommitted or stressed. I'm just too distracted, tired and emotional to even make a good stab at it. After my babies are born, or I get out of some of my commitments, or I ease the stress in my life in some way, the kids fall in line because I become myself again. If God has called you to homeschool, it's His JOB to give you the grace to accomplish it. Take heart. You can do this.